~my latest complaint w/ my esteemed PhD~

are you kidding me?

first, i complete the ADDITIONAL requirements ( at the last minute announcement, mind you), then I send a note explaining my views,concerns & opines regarding this new hoop, & then to add the icing to this mud cake of a process Capella seems to have created..... I go back into the additional courseroom to check if I have any further information to read? & THAT POSTING HAS MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED!?!

yeah...why not....its only my financial aide money...its only what I depend on to buy groceries, pay my light bill, put gas in my car so I can continue this uber frustrating process I started almost 5 yrs ago.

but wait!~ theres more.....

I decide to call Capella Support to calm my fears regarding this whole process....& what does the robot phone system lady tell me (which btw? to my surprise is working today...) "sorry, call back later....all learner support is on a team building event!?!?!?

R u kidding me?...no one there to answer the phones?

well..I shouldnt be surprised, there were no emails telling me this term I was enrolled...I had to call to find out. There was NO call back to even acknowledge my mssg or internal email communication yesterday....& today...NO ONE to talk to....

thanx.....I feel SOOOO valued as a Capella learner.

& yes ...I know this note is rather caustic......so be it. They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease....lets see if the old adage is true....

your "was really happy to refer people to capella learner.....now...not so enthusiastic about this whole thing...." PhD learner....

minta

~a journey of a 1,000 miles starts w/ 1 step today~

~well....this email from my committee chair was a breath of fresh aire!!~


Dr. XXXX, (committee chair)
I found the study to be VERY interesting, and her writing style makes it very readable.
I think that DrM2B is on the mark and ready to go if the small edits I have noted are addressed.

XXX,XXXX, (committee member) MS, DM, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Doctor, Management in Organizational Leadership

1 committee member down.....1 to go .....
as far as feedback from my committee goes...
then...
its off to the Dean =)

OK...i am now going to bed.....
as I just hit the send button on the revised doc =)


we're getting closer people....we're getting closer.....

~did u hear that?~

it was i....
screamin w/ joy....
now...
there is still A LOT of work to do .....
((see below's POST listing what still needs to be done...))
BUT!...
another milestone has been reached!

HUGE sigh.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RE: DrM's proposal docs attached =) WoOt wOoT!~
From: Dr. XXXXX- SOHS Social Services Adjunct Faculty
Sent:Sun 3/02/08 6:13 PM
To:DrM

Excellent. It is on its way!
DrXXXXX

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Leapin Lizards~

well..
not really.....
since i do not have a lizard to leap w/...
well....i DO have a bearded dragon...
& technically it IS a lizard....
i was really referring to a lizard appendage.....
& well....
don't have one....
not even one to attached to someone else that i could leap over .....

::::le sigh::::

ok....so anyway....went to see that new Dennis Quaid film..."vantage point"...
& quite honestly?...
got a headache....
toooooo much chase scene.....
& i usually luv that stuff in movies....
then went out to dindin w/ Stubeans & his friend from NY (what is it about people in my life flying in from NY this month??)...
they ate fish flesh....& i had orange chix.....
mine was delish....
they hated theirs...
what would u expect?...
um..besides the fact that this is the dessert (far far away from coastal access???)
theres the fact that its GROSSSS!!......fish eggs?.....!?!?!?!?
EW!?!?!
ok...i'm done.....

lets see...what else.....
i filled out what i anticipate to be my last yr of federal school loan papers yesterday....
should be a good yr...
since i did not work 1/2 the yr last......

had an interview yesterday... went well.....
but the dragon lady may have left her influence around ....
we'll see what her lasting effect was .....
if its anything like how the smell of death lingers after killing my career there.....
well...
there just is not enough air-freshener to clean her stench out of the area.....
& well...everything happens for a reason.....

i spent many many hours last nite...
loading all the pics i would like to share for sale....
onto the image site where that is possible...
so...go there!
buy sumptin....
allow me to pay my bills w/out panicking .....
go look at least....
u'd be surprised.... =)
linkypoo ...in the top posting....

i have to rewrite my abstract in the future tense...
then when the study is over?...i rewrite it in the past again...
fuckin games.....

i think after i send off the proposal tomrw....
i'll go blow off some steam
((read sexual frustration))....
at the gunclub.... =)
its always nice to see all those sexshay mens in their cop/fbi/homeland security garb.....
perhaps i will do something which causes me to 'assume the position'.... RAWR!

~Boo YA...MotherFuc*ers~

well....i hit the send button ....on 120 pages of blah blah blah.....

1. now we wait.....
2. Dr. XXXX should send back an answer to 2 of the items in the international review board application that i had no clue how to answer....
3. & then it is off to the rest of the committee.......
4. they get 2 wks to read...
5. comment & send back w/ their 2 cents....
6. i do the edits according to their suggestions....
7. i send it back....
8. Dr. XXXX sends it to the Dean .....
9. the Dean gets 2 wks to add their input...
10. note questions....& send it back....
11. i do THOSE edits.....
12. send it back to Dr. XXXX.....
13. she puts her stamp of approval......
14. it goes back to the Dean for their stamp of approval.....
15. then back to Dr. XXXX.....
16. she sends it to the IRB.....
17. they say yay or nay.....
18. i change whatever the IRB isnt happy w/....
19. Then i schedule a call w/ my committee to defend what i want to do in my study......
20. this gets approved.....
21. then...& ONLY then do i finally get PERMISSION to conduct my study.......((the study i have been writing a proposal towards for the last oh....yr and a half!))
    

FU*k me!.....
so...cross your fingers...toes...eyes....other appendages if possible
((wink wink nudge nudge)).....
i am going to go shower.....
sign my tax papers.....
mail those ........
((HUGE tracks of refund... btw ))....
go tan....
walk the puppers....
take some fotos for my 2008:yr in pics series....
do some laundry.....
& get ready for an interview i have tmrw......
yeah...when it rains it pours......
i also have to finish getting my foto's up for sale =)....
toodles poodles....play nice.....

~Hell Hath Frozen Over!~

ok...
regardless of what u nay-sayers mumble re:
my little 'dances nekkid & burns incense while poking pins into certain asian director voodoo dolls' practice.....
there really is something to the fact that mercury flung itself back out of retrograde this past monday.....
since then....

1. i talked w/ a realtor re doin all her model home foto's for her new website...


2. been asked to submit my resume on 3 jobs...


3. found out my financial aide will kick back in this term (due to some fluke of the classes being renumbered & how it was too difficult to figure out which doctoral candidate was where in the process)....


4. finished my tax numbers for my accountant & found out its gonna be a good return yr =)can we say Nikon D300 ....OH MY!


5. figured out i have a check comin from the reservation $$$


6. finished all the front / backyard lawn issues...


7. fixed the pool pump chlorinator thingy (i have a salt water system)


8. & best of all?.......got this email:

DrM2B....
Attached is my comments on your latest draft. Overall I think it looks terrific! I have a few minor changes and suggestions.
Once you have made those, I am ready to send it off to you committee.

Dr. XXXXX

wow......this just may happen after all!.......squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

~blah blah blah.....~

not sure why i even blog anymore...
sure..
it fills that void..
in the middle of nite...

gives me the sense that i am talking to someone..
anyone...

seems the only peeps that comment are those that visit my foin aszz....
on my HNT's...
well ....& my man OS wOoT WoOt....& the pixie, Brico every blue moon...& of course sis B =)
the rest of u lurkers?....
yeah.....
what-ev!

now dont get me wrong here...
the Doc2b enjoys a little carnal attn...
who wouldnt....

but ....i wonder ....
does this shit even get read...
or ...
am i mentally masturbating ?....
getting carpel tunnel typing...
when i could be getting it in other more productive ways...

((on the 'puter u pervs....geesh!))

so.....anywho...
i sent in yet another version of my proposal...
suppose i should go over the PhD docs and update them....
meh...maybe later...

update on the relationship...
he took the pic down at my request...
of course that was after he pointed out that i had one up on my dating profile
where i had borrowed his motorcycle goggles...
ah...
yeah....not the same thing....
goggled DocM?...my camera....my post processing....my pic....
Beautiful pic of Brugge Belgium?...my camera....my postprocessing....my pic....

mmmm...dont understand his request...
but to show good faith....
i took it down....
funny thing tho?..
he also took down his pic of Hilda the new 335i bimmer.....& the harley...?
not sure what happened there....
chicks luv that shite....dude...
'specially if they're out to find a guy w/ cash.....
and a good time.....

havent heard anything from him.....
other than a nice 'lets play nice' email.....
since our discussion at my doorstep.....

is it too much to ask for a guy to really put his cards out ?
go for it...
face that fuckin fear of rejection w/ some vulnerability?
i dont think so...
in fact...
thats the quickest way to get me on your side....
show me that u're human...
have a heart...
and can express it....
thru words...
& actions....

oh....i was informed the other nite during a phone call...
that i was ....
and i quote....
"intense....more intense that the person who delivered the diagnosis"....
yeah...
like i havent heard that one before.... =)

i think i am numb...
not sure really what i want anymore...
i thought i did...
but it seems to be....
(as i have been advised as of late)
too demanding...
too picky...
too strong...
too independent...
too intimidating....
too emotional...
too highly sexed....
too brainy....
too eccentric....
blah blah blah......................................

y is it that all those qualities are a novelty that attract...
do they see me as a challenge?..
to be conquered?
a notch in the belt...
then move forward when it becomes too real?.....

well..doorbell just rang...
neighbors are over......
must go.....
then watch the new series "in treatment" on HBO...
good show!
go watch...
you might learn something.....

nite nite......

~damn that silly retrograded mercury....~

well....i have quite the decision to make...
after i call the accountant of course....
i know things happen ( or don't happen) for a reason....
& its time i put that to the test....
amex gave me a plat bus card for ~mintas.fotos~...
i've been told i have an eye...
i've done my research....
gr8 book btw if anyone ever wanted to know how to market their foto's.....
its called the 2008 photographers market where & how to sell your photographs....
it lists over 1400 listings for mags, books, publishers, stock agencies & more...
i need to ask my accountant the +'s / _'s to either LLC ...
or should i go w/ a sole proprietorship...
need to find out re getting an EIN....or just use the SS....
need to go the the bank & get a line of equity.....
shouldn't be too hard.....
my house lists for 220.00, even in the downturn of the market.....
& I only owe 70K....
not that i am planning on blowing thru the funds avail.....
but it would be nice to pay off the credit cards....have money for bills....
while i continue to find the 'right job'.....
get the foto bus off the ground..
& finish the PhD.......
last but of course......
not least....
i will have the fun job of finally buying that Nikon D300 that makes me swoon just imagining my hands wrapped around her & pushing her buttons.... =)

~& now for something completely different...~

i thought it was time for a little communication around here....
Buddha-nose (lord knows for you non-Buddha heads)...
it hasn't been all the rainbows & kittens lately.....
& to be honest......
i am trying to will myself into happiness....
BE THE HAPPY....i think it goes...

in preparation for my call w/ my committee chair in the am....
she so accommodatingly sent her feedback from last week...

ever feel sooo defeated u just want to cry?...
yeah....done....

pityparty over.....
wanna know something else?.....

the person who i thought understood my journey......
& what a f'in nitemare this all is....
who i thought would be there when i am done...
& who i looked forward to spending time w/.......
has basically thrown in the towel....
yeah......

i have held off from blogging about it......
& not because i haven't wanted to scream FUCK U from the nearest mountain top.....
but because i personally think its cheating.....
U know....
reading someones blog to find out what is going on in their life .....
instead of picking up the fucking phone to check on them.....
yeah...i guess i will be the man here....

bravo....

u forced my hand.....

feel better?......

it's easier...huh?....

so u can say....."she broke it off w/ me"

what a chickenshit.....

so....we're done......time to get my key back......
get my stuff from your house....
return your stuff.....
& move on........

but....guess what....

since you got the job....

& the beautiful new car....

guess who will be doing the driving across town?....LOL

yeah...not me....

un-fuckin-believable ......
its been 11 days since we have spoken....
9 days since a text that told me to "get some rest" after I expressed my frustration re my Dissertation....how tired I was....how depressed i am re not working.....
& basically put it out there.....that it would be nice if u wanted to come over .....but I really needed to be at home writing .....
last time this happened......
last time the blame was placed on me.....
how it was my responsibility to call...
it was me who was to patch the fragile ego.....
u know....
cause that's what good little girls do...

fuck that...
i should've known.....
i tried to warn u.....
rebound girl was not what i wanted to be....

but here it is.....

your anger towards her sometimes is the pink elephant in the room....
your need to check her emails......to show up at her new mans court dates....your pre-occupation w/ the whole ass-fuckin you got from the divorce judge...

Its all understandable.....
really....
but ....it shouldn't be such a strong influence on our relationship.......

so...

because i know u check my blog....

consider this my communication.....

is this what u wanted?....

i guess it is....since i have nothing else to go by......

i think i told u last time......

never again...

fuck me over once....shame on u...

fuck me over twice?....shame on me.....

i deserve better.....

we almost made it a year.....i enjoyed our time....especially the trip.....thank you....

hopefully your new Bimmer arrived safe & sound?....

let me know ....

when you would like to exchange our stuff....

prolly after the superbowl....

since your friends are coming into town.....

back to my writing....my future.....my babies.....my photography....my PhD......& the few friends who still understand & believe in me.....

~~Taking the Time~~

...I cannot remember the last time I had a free hour or more to just sit & play =) After I send off my PhD schtuff to Dr. Jones.. get some groceries....finish the laundry.....& a couple other little things on my list....I plan on getting reaquainted w/ my baby......grande that is.......D is going out of town for a few days...... =(

~13~

13 Things I am Puzzled by:

1. the peeps w/whom i worked side-by-side (some for the last yr...some the last 6 mo's) seem to not be the peeps inside that i so wanted them to be.....the word i am looking for in their behavior (i.e no calls or comments) i am sad to admit is 'real'. What i mean by this is that i was 'real' at all times....& it hurts to realize they are not able to be the same.....when asked a question...or found myself in a conversation which required trust....i treated them as i wished to be....w/ honesty, openness & care. I have not heard a peep out of them since.......(well...Poodles are excluded =)
   
   
2. what the hell do i have to use on the driveway to get rid of the oil spills?...yeah.....'super-degreaser' from the auto store?...naht sooo much....
   
   
3. why am i not able to sleep at nite? even if i force myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour......not more than 4 hrs later?.....wide-awake!
   
   
4. will i ever be able to find BAX (doofus) a loving forever home?......he really needs a one-dog home.....& would be a wonderful little boy.
   
   
5. what does 'bokah' in regards to photography methods (DOF) really mean?
   
   
6. do i jump back into another IT contract (because the money is FABU)... or do i really need to take a parttime gig w/ enough hrs & money to leave me time & sanity to get my Dissertation / study done?
   
   
7. what the hell caused me to get kidney stones?....& worse....will i suffer thru that again?
   
   
8. what the hell is w/ all the ants this yr? I have nevah had them this bad.....ZOE had little welts on her the other morning...... mean little buggers biting my babies makes me MAD!
   
   
9. should i get the ink i have been pondering over for the last yr or so? Or is it because i am off.....that my mind is occupied by more creative things .......
   
   
10. y do i subconsciously give myself permission to participate in 'creative' activities....pasttimes...hobbies when i am between contracts?......
    
    
11. is it possible to find a job that will feed both my wallet....&....my creative energies?
    
    
12. is 9527 songs on my IPOD excessive?
    
    
13. will i get thru my 'list' of shite to do around the house b4 i go back to work?....does anyone ever get thru the "list"? LOL
    

~13~

NO...it is not me....(& borrowed from Jason ...)
butt....LOL...get it?...huh?...Butt?....
I am a Sagittarian....

OK...
on to the 13 things I am going to do FRI.....

1. Finalize my unemployment papers
2. paint the kitchen floor spots that I created last wk
3. go over budget - see how long $ will last =(
4. pay bills
5. write mom & dad
6. drop off Alexandrine parrot @ BUD's (1 less pet ... yeah! =)
7. wash Jeepy...get ready for sale
8. insure her for 1 month so test drives are ok
9. go thru clothes not wearing......donate
10. send last round of rewrites to Dr. J w/ IRB application rough draft
11. install gun safe
12. finish the 280 cd's loading into BigMomma
13. send some cover letters & resume to jobs on DICE
    

its been a strange 2 weeks.......
on one hand....
I've actually got 8+ hours of sleep a nite....
I KNOW....
I can not believe it either....
& it is amazing.....
HOW GOOD THAT FEELS......LOL
I've organized all my foto stuff
which was all over the place.....
moved the office
stained the chairs to match the new table
bought the new table....
caught up on all my DVR'd stuff...
shredded 12 yrs worth of docs....
cleaned out the fridge....cabinets...floors...
& best part?...spent quality time w/ my babies...

NOW.....on the other hand....
I didn't make any money...
didn't talk to any prospective employers...
ignored my neighbors...
made no phone calls to friends to catch-up.....
have become really accustomed to being a hermit...
have started functioning only in the middle of the nite.....again....
maybe I need to get a 3rd shift job again!??

~~Still tweekin in PS, Dragon lady & new hm office digs~~

ok...i got the paycheck I was waiting on....
u see i wanted to ensure that happened
before i commented on last weeks events......

where the f*ck does one begin w/ such a tale....

u know....between u and me?
the dragon lady did me a favor.....

i am not upset re "the contract ending"
otherwise read as 'no job.....'
(well eventually that would be an issue....
but i think U know what i mean?))
i have $ set aside....
as any responsible contractor does


What upsets me the most....
is not only her piss poor management style, at best......
but also the fact that she is allowed to continue
her sociopathic...
passive
aggressive
cold
manipulative
destruction of peoples livelihoods....
without so much as a blink of an eye....

she must be pretty proud of her power play.....
not only did she exert her power in getting rid of me.....
but she also managed to scare the living shit out of those who are still on the team.

U see.....
i was warned....
by numerous others....
i had heard the horror stories....
(also numerous)
of her UBER level of Biotchness
the level to which others are measured against....
of her micro-fuckin -management-style
yeah...that doesnt begin to describe it....
there really should be
a picture of her
in Websters
under...
UBER Micro-biotch-manager....

in the 6 month's
i fulfilled my obsequient duties.....
the dragon lady managed
to rid herself of any
& all reports who
question her,
push back
or fail to jump at the snap of her fingers.
yeah....
shes NOT a big fan of 'working out loud' thru an issue...
questions...or
um....independent thinking...

My fatal move?.....
i took a couple vacation days
((when PIXIE winged her way over to stay with me))
incidentally......
we did have a black cat cross our path one nite.....

mmmm?

anywhooo
as required...
per policy....i put myself on the calendar......
talked to her co-director for the project....
& had numerous conversations with key members of the team

i guess my mistake
was that I pushed back.

the first instance....
happened when i was getting ready to go get Pixie at the airport.
Dragon lady had left me a voicemail
& sent an email
asking where i was on the 9 am call!?!?
DUH!
um...for a director?....yeah.....
not so bright.....
why the fuck does the calendar exist?...
& why have people use it
IF
U
R'nt
gonna
read it!?!?

2nd instance....
when Pixie & i were in sedona
Dragon Lady proceeded to send another email....
telling me that my previous response
was not what she was looking for
& that she needed
this ...that ...& the other.....

what the fuck!?!
did U not read the auto reply
that gets sent out?!?!?


I am out of the office these days .....
& will return correspondence when back in the office
on such and such a day.....

U believe the biotch?!
i have never (in my 16+ yrs with that org) been contacted while on vaca
......so ....knowing full well....i shouldn't ignore it....
i sent a note back
....advising her when i returned to the valley that nite
i would do my best to get the documents she was asking for.....

long story short...
she called me twice...
& communicated via emails twice during my vacation...
When i returned that following Monday.....
all my responsibilities where handed off to other team members ......

The email from one of her golden boys
said....
" don't worry about the communications or training stuff you were doing.....we need you to assist in testing the next couple weeks"

nothing more.....
no questions re where I was on everything..
no explanation.....
nadda......

the ONLY other communication
i received from the Dragon Lady...
was an email the monday prior to being let go...
in the subject line:

NNTO(no need to open): Reminder......core hours start at 9 am ...that means you are to start work no later than that.......thanx.

now....doesn't that just fuckin ooooze warmth...
concern
professionalism?!?!?
yeah...im gonna have to go with NO!..

People....
what U need to understand...
is on that Monday....
the day she sent that
it was my first day in the new building.....
my new desk....((i previously had been sitting in another building))
it was 9:20...
i was ill....( but knew better than to call in sick)
& the clincher?....
she sat over the wall......

no attempt to welcome me to the area...
no swinging by my cube....
no "hey..i noticed you were running a little late this am....."
no actual email content.......
nothing except that loving statement.....

....when i wrote back .......

"yes...fully aware of the policy...I fully intended on being here earlier but am not feeling my best this am. I do apologize for not alerting you."

any guesses to what i got back?!?
ding ding ding.....

NO response......
& for the rest of the 4 days i was on the team......
that's exactly what I got more of...

not another look,
email
voicemail,
or otherwise from her.....
(even when standing right next to her)
to say the least...

shes a real piece of work....

Dragon Ladies track record during my 6 month tenure on the team:
....3 program managers,
....2 contractors not including me,
....2 others who chose to "roll off the project"
((as she states))

(her record goes further back than that...and in all fairness...i was warned before accepting the job.....).

The reason behind those who left?....
& those who i know are praying for other opportunities ?.....
((i am gonna give my professional educated opinion (criminal forensic psych profiling))
her sociopathic,
numb to the feelings of others existence.

i think if she went to see the wizard for a heart?
he would have to tell her its hopeless.....
it wouldn't survive in such a negative environment.......

the fatal day?
my contractor liaison showed up at my desk....
& i said...
well..i guess i know why you are here?
let me pack my stuff....
normally managers give 2 weeks notice...
my last director...gave me a month.
Not the dragon lady.....
nope.....
out this afternoon
was the request
LOL
here's the email she sent
from some huddle room in the building
as she hid from me
& my exit...

Team,
This is to inform you that today was Dr.M's last day with the team. She is no longer on contract with Amex and has already left the building.
Regards,

the subject line said...Dr. M's last day

........i'll give u all a moment to get some Kleenex.....
i know i was moved by the level of emotion in her note

OK......in the immortal words of "D"....
"enough of that silliness...."

so....U ask....when blessed w/ time off....what does DrM2b get done?

LUVIN my time off....
cleaning...spending time with the babies...
purging papers...
clothes i don't wear
books
& knickknacks that take up space
....Movin my desk area out of the kitchen....
& into the TV room.....
it will be better for my neck...LOL
no more crankin around the corner to see the 59 inch HDTV....
i will just turn around =)...
besides.....my lap gets sooo crowded....,
this way ...the babies can all sit on the couch
& i can write...
blog
do my research....
Photoshop
to my little hearts content......
& not have to jostle the pups
one wants up...
another wants down...
...two are ignoring the fact that I am not furniture....
& are playing tug of war in my lap....

........ok...must sign off... moving computer to the other room.....

Remember.......everything happens for a reason.....I live a very blessed life!!

i find it funny really....
how relaxed i feel....
perhaps it is really relief....

all i know....is that I need to make the best of this opportunity, this gift of time i have been given ....

i must remember her behaviors
refer to them thru my life
in the file of how not to behave....
a list of behaviours i do not wish to exhibit

maybe i will send her a thank U card?...LOL
yeah.....that would be funny...
I'm just sayin..............

~~Everyday..I am Given a Message~~

....& today ....once again I was amazed.....
I just LUV LUV LUV when this shite happens......
the universe delivered...
I was there to get my pedi.....
'cause its ever -so -impt to keep Ur toes purty....
& it feeeels so good when they massage you too =)

anywho.....

on w/ the story ....right?!?.....

As I sat waiting for my pigs turn to have their pig par-tay.......
I was going thru my ever-existing rewrites.....
a women & her daughter were sitting next to me......

Note to self.....Lynn's house of pedi's / mani's is uber popular on Wednesday's......

They were there b4 me.....
& I was prepared to wait my turn......
as long as the nice hot bubbly water kept soakin my tootsies.....
cue women next to me ...
telling the girl to let me cut-in....
I thanked her.....
& the conversation ensued......

I won't bore U w/ details....
long story short???.......
we are both attending the same university ....
she is in the middle of her course work
for her PhD too...

it gets better....

we start talkin about how close we live to this shop....
turns out.....
we were over -the-fence neighbors from when I bought the house in 90.....
thru 95 I think....
She had a exceptional memory....
like UBER level .......
the level that makes U say......
holy SHIT...lol
now I know how others feel when I do that to them.......
She remembered my ex-husband....((big bodybuilder type)?
check....
she remembered the 65 baby iguana's I raised & sold .....
check...check......
she remembered that I wanted a snake when I was w/ Don but that he was deathly afraid of them...
WOW........
so...what was the universe REALLY trying to tell us both??....
because U KNOW.....
everything happens for a reason......
YES IT DOES KITTY.....lol.......

well.....
I believe that we met up again.....
to renew her enthusiasm in her studies.....
(she had shared her frustration & thoughts of quitting .........)

& for me?......
it renewed my passion in my study I have yet to conduct...
I guess I still sound passionate after all ....
as I explained it to her....=)

& bottom line?......
it renewed my Buddha-nature.....

I may have a new connection to the crazy people too .....
as she is a nurse who works in the one of our hospital psych wards......
I LUV this SHIT!!!!
as U were ......bitches....
I have work to do......

~~13 Out of Control Things in my Life~~

1. Sleeping Patterns (lack there of...)
   
   
2. Clothes which are stacked in piles that I need to donate……there is NO way I could possibly wear all the clothes I have accumulated…..& others can benefit. Besides….that yoga room will never come to be with bins of t-shirts, jeans, & sweaters sitting there.
   
   
3. The POOL!! (( koi fish would LUV it .....))
   
   
4. My inner hottie..she needs to get her ASS back in the gym!!..I want to wear a sixpack...not have people wonder how many I drink!
   
   
5. Dissertation Proposal final re-writes.....um...how many times can we send that back& forth?!?
   
   
6. My sad little cacti garden that one of my Buddha's sits in lord over just inside the front door security gate.......albeit I light a candle in his honor --> each morning & light an incense to thank him for another day--> each evening....by not caring for the living which sit below him....I am disrespecting him, my house & my Buddhist practice. This in turn, invites disrespect into my home.
   
   
7. School papers ~need to go thru & toss those not applicable to my study.
   
   
8. Bathroom Cupboards....FULL of lotions, potions, cremes, samples & travel freebies.....(that I didn’t steal..unlike SOME people I know...haha..)
   
   
9. My pseudo office which has taken over my kitchen……I need to move it back to where it belongs…the plan is to reclaim the kitchen….((so guests don’t hit their head on the low hanging light which is SUPPOSE to be over the kitchen table...))
   
   
10. My Tax papers…. I think I have all the docs I need for last year….
    
    
11. Camera equipment ((all over the house)), & pictures I have. (( some ready 4 framing & othres I need to photo-shop & frame))
    
    
12. Magazines…Magazines & more magazines I subscribed to that I have not read… (( I have managed to not renew them…but now I feel like I must read them…or quickly scan before giving to friends, neighbors or the local dentist office))……Not sure about your dentist/ doc office….but mine are usually filled with publications from 2003 & older!!
    
    
13. Work-life balance….I used to spend more time outside the house…..with friends, browsing bookstores, exploring this beautiful state of AZ on daytrips. Over the years due to the demands of my PhD studies, I have become THE QUEEN of online shopping ((books, clothes, pet supplies, gifts, home necessities, & YES…even my groceries)). Visits from some of my friends…either because they do not know when I may be writing or sleeping or because of their own life demands….have become less of a normal habit & more of a surprise. I miss them….but understand how this happens. After I finally get around to purchasing a new vehicle….I know the roadtrips will resume…(( flag, JEROME, Sedona, Mexico )) but I also need to make an effort to calendar time with those who have meaning in my life……over coffee...if nothing else!!
    

~~~DVD's for Brico's Peace of Mind ~~~

After Brico told me to join the rest of the world regarding my disproportionate number of DVD's vs. VHS, I started thinking about why that is??

In comparison to the collections I have seen in friends houses.....Brico is correct. My collection is pathetic....

The only logical conclusion I could come to....is that for the last 3.5 yrs I have been buried in criminal psych, quantitative, qualitative research methodology, the DSM-IV-TR & not having time to enjoy DVD's...more less buy them!!

SO......now that I have the TV, a little bit of time to enjoy a movie or two....any suggestions? Keep in mind.....I'm still not a fan of accumulating DVD's via purchasing...just for the sake of clutter...but...if after watching a movie via netflix....it seems worth watching again?....I just might add to my little collection.

~~B~cause U Needed to Know!~~

I am Living the Dream here!!......My brain matter is in pain!!!! .......Have to submit my final rewrite for the proposal this eve...... yeah......oh...& would someone please tell me why I did not take full advantage of young neighborhood slave labour sooner?? My yards look fantabulous!......Now if I can only find a pool guy.....

~~HuH?...WhaT WaS ThaT ScreaM?~~

Did U HeaR ThaT??
It Twas I!!!........
Rejoicing in the feedback from my committee chair!!!
here......read it 4 u'r-selves!!!


Great, DrM2B!!! I love the new focus and how you have opened it! It is so much clearer than what you had worked on before and it really is evident that you are researching an important issue. Attached is my feedback and suggestions. You have made great progress!! Dr. XXXX

OK......did U notice the double exclamation points?!
YUP.....
PROGRESS
GR8 PROGRESS!!
YES....
tears welled.....
Its been a LoOoOoOong time comin.....
oK....off to finish and submit CH2 & 3 =)

~~Do U think my Committee Chair will Believe Me?~~

The Pixie, over at 212, mentioned Mr Mercury is in retrograde...so be aware.

I did a little more research on it (partly to find out what the hell has been the issue with my electronics, life, accomplishments this past weekend.....or LACK THERE OF!

YUP.....totally explains it...... U see...Mercury is the communicator planet....mmm?.....interesting huh?

Now, what if that little planet is having a bit of a forward "flow" issue?.....well....ShItE.... lets just couple that phenom with the fact this retrograde is hanging out in the fiery sign of Sagittarius ( yeah....thats ME!)

Sag's are 'by nature'.........get things done kind of peeps.

HoWeVeR! .....U guessed it......Mr. Mercury.....is FuCkIn with my 'forward flow'.....leaving me wondering why normally I can bang out 30 pages of writing NO PROB over the course of a nite.......yet....for some reason this past weekend......I found myself reading ....reading.....researching.....finding.....great studies & documents to incorporate.....BUT DIDNT! All weekend..... I was on task....working to churn it out....yet....here it is Monday afternoon..... & I'm taking a 1/2 day from work to write!!!

Mr. Mercury has delayed, setback, & created a lack of clarity thereby preventing me from finishing on time. AGH!

SO....be aware.....he's lurking in the corners of your accomplishments....he will cause you to run into "THINGS" from your past....he might have you 'bump' into an old lover or experience previous memories U have long since let go.

oH...be careful with that radio too.........he LUVs to pull out that box of old LP's, tapes, CD's.....the box U thought went bu-bye at the last rummage sale!!!

~ Long Story Short - B aware, B Patient, & Be compassionate during these days ~~

October 28th, 2006 - November 17th, 2006

~~~If U don't??..It'll just come back 2 bite you in the arse!~~~

Pay NO attn to the Man behind the Curtain!

I have realized over the years...
If something is written down


~In a list
~On a Calendar
~Posted on the Fridge
~Within a letter to a friend

...........I tend to get it done!

There is no room for
~Excuses
~Procrastination
~Sudden discoveries of 'more' impt tasks that 'must' get done....

so....without further delay

Dissertation Deadlines DrM2B is Pushing Towards

~Draft of Chapters One & Three - August 14 2006
~Draft of Chapter Two - August 21 2006
~IRB Application - August 24 2006
~Final Proposal - September 4 2006
~Data Collection - October 2 – 23 2006
~Initial Draft Chapters Four & Five - November 13 2006
~Complete Dissertation Draft - December 4 2006
~Final Dissertation Mid - December 2006

**Keeping in mind the Academic Calendar**
Summer 06
July 10th Course Begins
September 15 Course Ends

Fall 06
September 29 Course Begins
December 8 Course Ends

**& of course these dates could all change at the behest of my Committee Chair, but by doing this, I have lit the preverbial fire under my ass!**

~~~Is it hot in here?....~~~