~13~Relationship Realizations~

1. I have a different definition of 'a relationship'......
2. I need to take a step back from D
3. I viewed it as a relationship...willing to deal w/ ups & downs.....
4. He viewed it as gr8 sex...no worries...no responsibilities....
5. I depend on another for help when needed.....& most times?....I don't even need to ask....
6. Its not a relationship if I have to explain how to 'be there' when I need someone....
7. I bought myself flowers the other nite......
8. I am saddened by all this.....
9. I care tooo much......err.....well....in comparison to D's level......
10. We're not on the same page.....
11. I am at a loss for words....
12. I'm such a girl in relationships.......despite what others think.....
13. LUV sux.

~13~

13 Things I am Puzzled by:

1. the peeps w/whom i worked side-by-side (some for the last yr...some the last 6 mo's) seem to not be the peeps inside that i so wanted them to be.....the word i am looking for in their behavior (i.e no calls or comments) i am sad to admit is 'real'. What i mean by this is that i was 'real' at all times....& it hurts to realize they are not able to be the same.....when asked a question...or found myself in a conversation which required trust....i treated them as i wished to be....w/ honesty, openness & care. I have not heard a peep out of them since.......(well...Poodles are excluded =)
   
   
2. what the hell do i have to use on the driveway to get rid of the oil spills?...yeah.....'super-degreaser' from the auto store?...naht sooo much....
   
   
3. why am i not able to sleep at nite? even if i force myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour......not more than 4 hrs later?.....wide-awake!
   
   
4. will i ever be able to find BAX (doofus) a loving forever home?......he really needs a one-dog home.....& would be a wonderful little boy.
   
   
5. what does 'bokah' in regards to photography methods (DOF) really mean?
   
   
6. do i jump back into another IT contract (because the money is FABU)... or do i really need to take a parttime gig w/ enough hrs & money to leave me time & sanity to get my Dissertation / study done?
   
   
7. what the hell caused me to get kidney stones?....& worse....will i suffer thru that again?
   
   
8. what the hell is w/ all the ants this yr? I have nevah had them this bad.....ZOE had little welts on her the other morning...... mean little buggers biting my babies makes me MAD!
   
   
9. should i get the ink i have been pondering over for the last yr or so? Or is it because i am off.....that my mind is occupied by more creative things .......
   
   
10. y do i subconsciously give myself permission to participate in 'creative' activities....pasttimes...hobbies when i am between contracts?......
    
    
11. is it possible to find a job that will feed both my wallet....&....my creative energies?
    
    
12. is 9527 songs on my IPOD excessive?
    
    
13. will i get thru my 'list' of shite to do around the house b4 i go back to work?....does anyone ever get thru the "list"? LOL
    

~13~

NO...it is not me....(& borrowed from Jason ...)
butt....LOL...get it?...huh?...Butt?....
I am a Sagittarian....

OK...
on to the 13 things I am going to do FRI.....

1. Finalize my unemployment papers
2. paint the kitchen floor spots that I created last wk
3. go over budget - see how long $ will last =(
4. pay bills
5. write mom & dad
6. drop off Alexandrine parrot @ BUD's (1 less pet ... yeah! =)
7. wash Jeepy...get ready for sale
8. insure her for 1 month so test drives are ok
9. go thru clothes not wearing......donate
10. send last round of rewrites to Dr. J w/ IRB application rough draft
11. install gun safe
12. finish the 280 cd's loading into BigMomma
13. send some cover letters & resume to jobs on DICE
    

its been a strange 2 weeks.......
on one hand....
I've actually got 8+ hours of sleep a nite....
I KNOW....
I can not believe it either....
& it is amazing.....
HOW GOOD THAT FEELS......LOL
I've organized all my foto stuff
which was all over the place.....
moved the office
stained the chairs to match the new table
bought the new table....
caught up on all my DVR'd stuff...
shredded 12 yrs worth of docs....
cleaned out the fridge....cabinets...floors...
& best part?...spent quality time w/ my babies...

NOW.....on the other hand....
I didn't make any money...
didn't talk to any prospective employers...
ignored my neighbors...
made no phone calls to friends to catch-up.....
have become really accustomed to being a hermit...
have started functioning only in the middle of the nite.....again....
maybe I need to get a 3rd shift job again!??

~~13~~

13 things over-heard that could go either way........

She: Wow….U have a lot of Brown on today! Did U know that brown is the new black?
1st He: no….I didn’t know that……go ask *** I’m sure he does.
She to ***: hey…did U know Brown is the new Black?
2nd He: funny that U should say that….my friend & were talking about that recently..she’s always telling me that Brown is the new Black.
She: U don’t wear a lot of Brown….
2nd He: Oh…I have a lot of Brown…its just not appropriate for work….
:::::pause for mental reflection and visual among the group::::
She & 1st he....quickly glance at eachother…wondering if the other is mentally envisioning the same thoughts?
1st He: we don’t want to see your Brown.
*** it was at this point that 2nd He did respond…however…..everyone within earshot had just gone blind & even now …..no one remembers the response……


So….how was your jog?
I don’t jog…I run…..
Oh…sorry…….
Yeah…that would be like me saying to U (the accomplished competitive swimmer) “how was your doggy styling last nite”?

:::crickets chirping:::….much laughter…..

Um….yeah…I don’t mind that U said that…..but in the future ..not a good idea to say that to a gay man!
I meant to say ….how was your “doggy paddling”…


I can make it a quick and dirty with her…..U don’t have to be there…but if U’d like to be?


He’s the one in the group that likes to grab the worm early everyday


Where has your face been? U’ve got fuzzy’s all over.


I’m going to the break room….need anything? Pause…. “besides a good spanking” um….no….I got that last nite.


U don’t look so good today…R U not feeling well? Yeah…the rainbow within isn’t shining as bright as usual…..


He: Did U see?
She: Yeah…..already saw that!
He: He’s hot…
She: Yeah….nice ASS, but his pants are too short……
He: Oh…honey….we can change that.
She: But he’s married
He: Yeah…..I don’t do married.
She: Y not?
He: Cause married munches pussy.
She: What did U just say?
He: Oh yeah….I don’t want that mouth on me after lickin the kitty…..


On a conference call…
“can U back away from the phone….U’re a bit too close”
From other party on call (we were all thinking it...but no one actually says it!))
“yeah like the next room over?”


“FOCUS DrM!”
& quick as a whip back at ** “ I am focused…I am woman….I can multitask….”
Yeah….filter missing that day!!


Every-time he responds during a conversation in the manner that he does…..it taints the level of trust I have for him……
“um…yeah…U need to stop using the word ‘taint’”


“my uterus is NOT happy today”….Don’t mess with me!”

~~13 Out of Control Things in my Life~~

1. Sleeping Patterns (lack there of...)
   
   
2. Clothes which are stacked in piles that I need to donate……there is NO way I could possibly wear all the clothes I have accumulated…..& others can benefit. Besides….that yoga room will never come to be with bins of t-shirts, jeans, & sweaters sitting there.
   
   
3. The POOL!! (( koi fish would LUV it .....))
   
   
4. My inner hottie..she needs to get her ASS back in the gym!!..I want to wear a sixpack...not have people wonder how many I drink!
   
   
5. Dissertation Proposal final re-writes.....um...how many times can we send that back& forth?!?
   
   
6. My sad little cacti garden that one of my Buddha's sits in lord over just inside the front door security gate.......albeit I light a candle in his honor --> each morning & light an incense to thank him for another day--> each evening....by not caring for the living which sit below him....I am disrespecting him, my house & my Buddhist practice. This in turn, invites disrespect into my home.
   
   
7. School papers ~need to go thru & toss those not applicable to my study.
   
   
8. Bathroom Cupboards....FULL of lotions, potions, cremes, samples & travel freebies.....(that I didn’t steal..unlike SOME people I know...haha..)
   
   
9. My pseudo office which has taken over my kitchen……I need to move it back to where it belongs…the plan is to reclaim the kitchen….((so guests don’t hit their head on the low hanging light which is SUPPOSE to be over the kitchen table...))
   
   
10. My Tax papers…. I think I have all the docs I need for last year….
    
    
11. Camera equipment ((all over the house)), & pictures I have. (( some ready 4 framing & othres I need to photo-shop & frame))
    
    
12. Magazines…Magazines & more magazines I subscribed to that I have not read… (( I have managed to not renew them…but now I feel like I must read them…or quickly scan before giving to friends, neighbors or the local dentist office))……Not sure about your dentist/ doc office….but mine are usually filled with publications from 2003 & older!!
    
    
13. Work-life balance….I used to spend more time outside the house…..with friends, browsing bookstores, exploring this beautiful state of AZ on daytrips. Over the years due to the demands of my PhD studies, I have become THE QUEEN of online shopping ((books, clothes, pet supplies, gifts, home necessities, & YES…even my groceries)). Visits from some of my friends…either because they do not know when I may be writing or sleeping or because of their own life demands….have become less of a normal habit & more of a surprise. I miss them….but understand how this happens. After I finally get around to purchasing a new vehicle….I know the roadtrips will resume…(( flag, JEROME, Sedona, Mexico )) but I also need to make an effort to calendar time with those who have meaning in my life……over coffee...if nothing else!!
    

13

1. I am exhausted.....got better sleep last nite.....but evidently still NOT caught up.
   
   
2. I am STILL revising, editing & sending my studies proposal back -n- forth.
   
   
3. Her feedback is sooooooo much more enjoyable these days...along the lines of:
   ~U have some really good research, info and thoughts here on the lit.review section....
   ~Great start on the methodology section....just needs some refining.....
   ~& of course my favorite: I love the new focus and how you have opened it! It is so much clearer than what you had worked on before and it really is evident that you are researching an important issue.
   
   
4. My brain hurts from reformatting, & editing docs for work today.
   
   
5. Mark Wahlberg has THE fOINEST ASS ....just saw it in the movie "the corruptor" on Starz.....& yeah...of course......his lips would rock my panties off too.....I'm just sayin'...
   
   
6. Since I realized I am back on the dating scene.....I have also realized I am not enjoying it.
   
   ~Have the rules changed?
   ~When it did it become appropriate for men to ask for pics (of my ass, kitty, breasts,)??
   ~Why do men hide behind the "getting to know U conversations" when all they really want is pictures for the spank-bank? or phone-sex,internet camera-sex or erotic IM'ing activity?
   ~Would I be better off just stating in my online dating profile......
   ~~~Prefer a man who knows how to make my kitty purr, has fresh breath, shaves his boys, works out, and will particpate in traditional dating activities of going to movies, dinner, drinks, bring flowers, BEFORE asking the "lady in public" to become his "whore in the bedroom"?
   ~~~Please be that guy who is tall, fit, if has accent - bonus, is single with no baggage, has a great relationship with his mom., knows how to carry an intelligent conversation, & how to treat a lady in a relationship....
   
   ~~~Since I am a PhD ABD, successful women who owns her own home, travels internationally, works out, has no children, isnt jealous, clingy or whiny, gives great massages, and best of all knows how to be the lady in public /whore in the bedroom .....for the right man.....I do not think I am asking for tooo much.
   
   
7. My pool needs cleaning...fixing....winterizing.
   
   
8. I need to clean my driveway & p/u the lawns...puppy poops....& ciggy butts my friends leave as they walk up to the door.
   
   
9. I have a reservation check coming.....((my gratitude to the gamblers of this world))....should I pay off credit?....or buy a new car?
   
   
10. I need to mail the last of the xmas gifts that have arrived in the mail.
    
    
11. I just got a call from my director that he would like to "huddle" with me first thing in the am. (( I worked from HM today)) .... He obviously heard the concern in my voice & said its nothing to be concerned about.....just some 'changes' re work responsibilities & in fact he feels they are positive changes...Don't cha just hate waiting?.....At least its not FRI...U know it is never a good meeting .......first thing FRI am LOL
    
    
12. I think I will go tan this eve.........It always feels so good...on my skin .... & emotionally =)
    
    
13. My new Toshiba DVD VCR HDMI combo player came today....via... the UPS hottie... now I just have to get a new LCD HDTV......thinking of waiting til superbowl weekend....research shows that to be THE BEST time of the yr to buy a big TV. Oh.... the DVD/VCR player was free!.....20k membership rewards points...... LOVE my AMEX card.
    
    

13

Thirteen Bloggers I wouldn't mind meeting IRL.....& Y! (in alphabestical order so as not to incite ...'hey Y did he/she get chosen before me'....memories of yester-yr team choosings)

1. 212 ~ isnt it obvious?....Everyone should meet a PIXIE at least once in their lifetime.....most never get the opportunity!
2. Alien ~ IT would be just tooooo coolio to ride our motorcycles together down the road!
3. Mr BLU of the hemo-type...... recent addition to the BLOGROLL...... not sure how I let someone who's brain appears to move faster & stranger ( thats a compliment!) than mine.... not be included on the roll for soooo long! ..... Welcome to the hood dude! =)
4. Damian ~ I would love to have a listen to his band .....( & be able to say ' ya know....I met him before......)
5. Jerky ~ just because we ALL wonder just where the hell U work that its sooooo secret!
6. Leesa ~ I have a fear tho....that if I venture to the mountains she teases us weekly with in pictures.....there might be a repeat of 'went on a vacation.... & never went back'.
7. Addict ~ Not only am I addicted to getting TATS and Piercings.....but shes an inspiration to me.
8. Nihilly ~ LUV...LUV...LUV the city he lives it!.... I also admire the loving relationship between him & his SO =) Do I need to say more!
9. Olllie & his Weimi bro HUGO~.....these two live in FRANCE!.....in the countryside.....**sigh**
10. Brico~ I think he was one of THE First commenters on my BLOG. I have grown to LUV and appreciate this mans approach to being a father, boyfriend of Ms Tishy =) & outlook on life in general. Besides......I have a standing boat invite......(gotta go before she sinks!)
11. Tishy ~ All the same reasons as listed for her main squeeze.....Brico
12. The Other HNT~ owners of the lovely trouser snakes which have winked at me many a time from the pages!...... ( Im kidding.....well maybe not......but I filled # 12 didnt I??)
13. Last ~ YoJ.... another recent addition to the BLOGROLL......... I've learned alot about lifes blessings being hidden during troubled times from her... besides....she cracks my ASS up....every post!

~~~~~NOW........ go see for your self.....check out thier pages.....GOOO ON!~~~~~

13

GO HERE 2 get the scoopage =)

13 Things I put aside for my PhD

* Buy a new car

* Plan any 'real' vacations

* Paint (or hiring a painter) the outside of the house

* Scrub the inside of the house from top to bottom (last time really done?...b4 school started)

* Play the baby grand piano I bought myself as a MBA grad gift for hrs like I used to

* Purchase season tickets to the Scottsdale Performing Arts

* Sit outside with the neighbors on Summer nites, drinking wine & shoot the breeze

* Take the pups to the dog park on a regular basis

* Teach Chicken & Bubba (2 macaws) some new phrases & tricks

* Spend hours .....upon hours browsing used book stores

* Take daytrips up north to Flagstaff ...or Sedona like I used to monthly with girlfriends

* Go shopping in the middle of the nite w/ Kat at Wallyworld like we used on the weekends
* Have enough energy to go to the gym on a regular basis!

13

~13 Things U Will Never Hear DrM2B Say~


1. Wow…I just love getting up early, before the rest of the world =)

2. Hey, I was watching that ballgame!

3. Sorry, I won’t be able to make that party….I’m going camping.

4. I’d LOVE to go to Karaoke with you!

5. mmmm……steak!....Make mine rare….k?

6. WOW….I guess I’m early……

7. Sat nite, if you drive to the party……& I end up staying over…can I borrow your car to go to church in the morning?

8. Turn that Enigma shit U call music DOWN……& while you’re at it?...Find a country station….k?

9. That hot chick over there wants to come home with us?....R U nuts?...No way….gross!

10. So…I’m thinking of re-doing the bedroom in Laura Ashley!....what do you think?

11. I’m strictly a cat-person……

12. Thanksgiving dinner at my house?....EX-CEL-LENT!!.....Not only do I LUV that holiday……but I get to cook for a butt-load of people!

13. Whats a BLOG?

13

Childhood Memories .......

1. I remember swimming in Lake Superior at MorMor & PaPa's Cabin when I was 6..(I'm Native American adopted by Swedish (moms side) & Scottish (Fathers side) Ethnicities). The pictures I have of those times show it was NOT a pleasant experience...I guess I've blocked out how cold it was.
2. I remember horseback riding in the Winter countryside every Saturday during my high school yrs. The gentleman who I worked for training his polo ponies allowed my to take his horses out of the barn with the other girls who worked there. I realize now as I look back on that...what a generous and trusting man he was.
3. I rememeber stealing my brothers pot time & time again because I knew he couldnt ever "tell on me".......my girlfriends & I would smoke after school in the woods by my house.
4. I remember this cute Canadian guy who fell in love with me during our stay at the '76 Olympics in Montreal. I was 12 yrs old & my family rented a house to stay in during the 2 weeks. This boy gave my dad letters every day to give to me from him. I vaguely remember being outside during those hot summer nites, playing with my new Canadian friends. I didnt speak French very well & they didn't speak English either......but it didn't matter ........we still found ways to play.
5. I remember every Easter getting either a baby chick or a baby bunny in my basket.....
6. I remember the first time I saw a grown man cry.....it was when my father lost his mother. I was in 6th or 7th grade.....and it shook me to the core to see this man who I depended on, thought knew everything, and ws my rock in my life, show vulnerability. Come to think of it......the only other time I remember seeing my dad cry was at my first wedding. He had walked me down the aisle....in his Kilt (Scottish heritage...remember....pay attn!) ....& we were standing at the alter with the pastor....The music had stopped & right as we began our vows, I remember hearing quiet sobs from behind me....I glanced back wondering who it was. His head was down, wiping the tears with his hankerchief...and the look on my moms face as I looked to her was one of "yes, your father is crying.....hes losing his baby girl today.....NOW TURN AROUND & FINISH!"
7. I remember walking to the school bus on cold winter mornings & Russell Rungee would break my -soaking wet from the shower- hair ends off to prove a point of how cold it was.
8. I remember wonderful family ski trips to Aspen every Winter.
9. I remember sitting upstairs in my parent home, in the farthest bedroom down the hall with my brothers, their wives, their boys & mom. I witnessed my nephews experiencing my dads ability to make it seem like Santa really does knock on the door...come in .....eat the cookies...drink the milk and take the carrots out to the reindeer. I cried seeing the joy in their reaction......and you know to this day....I STILL do not know how my dad does it. (& have not found those blasted jinglebells we hear after dad answers the door)
10. I remember the excitement & fear I felt getting on the plane in college to go live in Scotland for a school yr. I knew no-one.... & was going to live in a castle outside of Edinburgh with 100 other students from America. Best decision I ever made.
11. I remember having a feeling of "I can do anything I set my mind to in this world" as I was standing on the top of a telephone pole equipped with a metal disk attached by just a single nail in the middle. This meant that the plate would rotate easily based on your footing and pressure. There was nothing to hang onto or assist and steady you once you reached the point of where the top of the pole was at your chest level. You had to just balance & step up, no hands. Very scary.....but if you managed to work past the fear of being on top of the pole, didnt look down but rather straight out at the top of the treeline in front, and stepped up as if stepping from the floor to the seat of a chair......U were home free. I remember crying as the feeling of fear moved from my gut into a feeling of triumph in my heart!
12. I remember the first time I met Zachoje Rinpoche (reincarnated previous Dalia Lama) , my buddhism Teacher (Guru). I had reached out to shake his hand at a teaching & he very kindly reached out and grabbed my hand and then reached with his other to my shoulder to pull me into a hug. He looked me straight in the eye & expressed how he was glad to meet me.....Its hard to explain.....but I felt an enormous sense of happiness, peace & love as I looked back. It was almost overwhelming ........and I wanted to shut my eyes so he couldnt see my past bad deeds & thoughts.
13. Whew ....last one........I remember receiving an email from a co-worker after I had resigned from the Diversity team at work. I thought I had caused too much upheaval in discussions of peoples diversity. During my time on the team, in addition to doing education presentations, it was my responsiblity to call people on behaviors which were 'ignorant' for lack of a better viewed word. Its hard to not offend people when you are calling attention to their behaviors. I thought I had failed...& pissed to many people off. I had also become very tired of taking bullets during these sessions. I explained this in my email to my diversity team mates. The reaction I received was one of sadness....shock & encouragement to stay. They understood how lonely it feels sometimes to be the only one in the crowd doing the courageous thing ....to speak up for the underdog. I learned that many times others are afraid of people who walk the talk. Just because I wasnt receiving accolades for my actions.....doesnt mean they were going unnoticed.

** I followed Lisa's 13 TH Topic this week.....

13

Thirteen Things Men dont Know About Women

1. we may appear to be strong & completely content with taking care of everything ...but all we really want is for you to do SOMETHING without us having to write a list or ASK U.
   
   
2. That said..... U guys are at your sexiest when U do take it upon yourself to figure out how to help out around the house........and just do it... Self-lessly! .....with no expectations.
   
   
3. there is NOTHING U can do to avoid the woman in your life wanting you dead for a small percentage of the month. U have a choice tho......stay silent.... behave and do your best to clean up after yourself......or behave like you do anyother day and accept the deathrays streaming out of our eyes accompanied with strange verbal assaults re your behavior.
   
   
4. We do love to wear sexy lingerie and heels around the house for you.....but hey.......give us something to oogle over too..........or the lingerie vacuuming parties will end sooner than you wish!
   
   
5. yes......we could (and probably have in our single past) stay in bed all weekend...watch sappy movies... and eat ben & Jerry's for each meal........we probably wouldnt mind if you wanted to join us........just dont do it with the expectation of sex......
   
   
6. on the subject of spontaneous sex.......we love it as much as U do......but if you are planning for it in the middle of the nite....after we have worked a ten hour day...grocery shopped...cleaned up after the pets, kids and you .......then in the morning when we are unable to get motivated for another day of aforementioned activites.......pitch the fuck in! ....U might get some more often.
   
   
7. after the relationship is established.......we no longer find your bodily functions cute....so...shut the door when you are doing your business ... leave the room when you are going to fart.......and warn a girl if there is a cloud wafting in her vacinity!
   
   
8. we dont stop talking in relationships because we have 'come to our senses'....or lost the need to.......we just realized its not worth the added energy......
   
   
9. Dont be surprised to find out there is SOMEONE else who maybe listening ......that we turn to in the future.
   
   
10. on that note.......we talk to talk.....this is not an opportunity for you to "solve" the issue at hand.
    
    
11. its the little things that count.......remember those things you used to do in the beginning of relationship?......those things that we thought you really took the time to think thru?.....but were really only an effort to get into our pants!........well......start doing them again....& guess what Mr rocket scientist?! U just might get those blowjobs again!
    
    
12. we love sucking cock........we just stop doing it because it is THE #1 negotiating tactic we have!
    
    
13. and lastly.......we do love porn......probably more than you do.......we'd just rather you were honest about it.....& bought better stuff!....... What real women wears heels and moans like that ?!? LOL RIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHT!