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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

~~~THE PhD JOURNEY~~~

I thought I would put all the postings re: this incredible (stressful, emotional, frustrating, challenging, scary, draining, rewarding) journey in one place. If you have stumbled here going thru the archives ......stay a while....read the saga from the bottom up..... I'm guessing the reactions U may experience are either 'wow, I think I want to get a PhD' .....or 'Is she out of her f'in mind!?' Either way.....its all here....the stress..the fear...the crying...the pity party...the fight back to the top... & it still continues....ENJOY =)

Pay NO attn to the Man behind the Curtain!



I have realized over the years...
If something is written down


~In a list
~On a Calendar
~Posted on the Fridge
~Within a letter to a friend

...........I tend to get it done!

There is no room for
~Excuses
~Procrastination
~Sudden discoveries of 'more' impt tasks that 'must' get done....

so....without further delay

Dissertation Deadlines DrM2B is Pushing Towards

~Draft of Chapters One & Three - August 14 2006
~Draft of Chapter Two - August 21 2006
~IRB Application - August 24 2006
~Final Proposal - September 4 2006
~Data Collection - October 2 – 23 2006
~Initial Draft Chapters Four & Five - November 13 2006
~Complete Dissertation Draft - December 4 2006
~Final Dissertation Mid - December 2006

**Keeping in mind the Academic Calendar**
Summer 06
July 10th Course Begins
September 15 Course Ends


Fall 06
September 29 Course Begins
December 8 Course Ends


**& of course these dates could all change at the behest of my Committee Chair, but by doing this, I have lit the preverbial fire under my ass!**

~~~Is it hot in here?....~~~

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ABD Babee!!!

All but the dissertation !!! Yipee-ki-yo MOFOs!!!! I just finished my final conference call for the comprehensives and my committee was VERY pleased with both my written responses submitted about 3 weeks ago.....AND my verbal explanations of the findings on the research of Postpartum disorders =)
Now, I can change the 'ole resume to say PhD - ABD! The next steps are to find some willing participants to conduct a study on, put it all down on paper...and get published! That should only take ...oh..6 -12 monthes. I hope to be done by yr-end.
OK.....off to get my hair colored!! ....................................Can I get a WOOT WOOT !!!

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My APOLOGIES!!

That SCREAM U heard about 5 minutes ago?!?! It was me!!!!!!!!!!! I'm BACK BABEEEEEEE!!!


From : Doctoral Committee Chair xxx @ Faculty.University.edu

Sent : Tuesday, February 14, 2006 9:42 PM

To : DrM2B

CC : Other comprehensive committee members

Subject : Comprehensive Examination


DrM2B,

I am pleased to inform you that you have passed your comps. At this time you can move forward and schedule the final conference call. I am flexible except for Tuesday and Thursdays from 7am-9:30am PST and Wednesdays from 8am-9am PST.

Doctoral Committee Chair


***er.....thats Doctor M ....(well, almost ).....LOL ***

****BEST Valentines Day EVER!!****

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Any Suggestions??

Kory inspected my coffee ........


She had a few comments about the research studies I found........



and then....planted herself right in the middle of my keyboard.

How am I suppose to work?!
~~~~SILLY DOG!~~~~

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They say....3rd time is a charm!


So, I'm taking Friday & next Monday to kick this MoFo out! I do plan on peeking in on you all thru out the weekend as a break....so ...give me something to enjoy! Oh....I didnt forget...I will have another POLL up Sunday afternoon as well as the results from this past weeks :) Great turnout...... Peace my Bloggers!

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Its Official....Appeal Won & Rewrite under way! .....

SO... if you have been reading this blog for a while...U may be familiar with the ongoing PhD saga.

As we last left our lil Ms. DrM2B.....she was disenrolled after her car accident....... (like getting rear -ended is something one can control!).......

and the little pee man(thanx O's ) showed up as an expression of rage!!

Well, that all happened October 10th & over 2 monthes later --> I WON my appeal!!

If you wish to read my appeal letter, scroll down a bit.

and if you wish to read the letter confirming the rewrite submission, click scroll on down =)

Long story short.....I have a new committee Chair, same two other committee members and my rewrites officially start Friday the 13th ! I know...I know.....I'm not going to even talk about that little strange twist! .......Hey.....I've actually had wonderful experiences on previous Friday the 13th's in my life.......THIS WILL BE ANOTHER!

I have until January 27th ( 2 wks) to go over the feedback previously given to me on my comprehensives, do the research, correct, add, expand, clarify and resubmit.

I don't know about U, but here in AZ, there seems to be a brighter sunnier day today!

HHNT everyone .........I must get writing...........

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Letter from University confirming Appeal Success!

January 9, 2006
Dear DrM2B,

Recently, XXXXXXX, who coordinates grade appeals for the School of Human Services, submitted an official grade appeal to the Academic Standards Committee on your behalf. The course was Doctoral Comprehensive Examination II, HS9985, mentored by Dr. XXXXX during fall quarter 2005.

After thoughtful deliberation, the Academic Standards Committee has decided to approve your grade appeal. As a result, you will be awarded the opportunity to submit your rewrite of the comprehensive exam to your committee within a two week timeframe. You will be assigned a new chair of your comprehensive committee and will work with this faculty member to establish the deadline. This will be the final review of your rewrite submission. This letter will become part of your permanent record.

We wish you the all the best as you continue working toward the successful completion of your program.

Sincerely,


XXXXXX, PhD, Chair
Academic Standards Committee
School of Human Services

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Letter to Appeal Commitee

November 26, 2005
In regards to: Appealing Results of My Recent Experience with Capella’s New Comprehensive Process
XXXXX
Senior Academic Associate

Per your instructions, this letter documents my recent experience with Capella’s new comprehensive process for doctoral learners. My appeal is not directly related to the grade received, but rather with the process that resulted in my disenrollment from the University.
As you read the following documentation of my experience with Capella’s new comprehensive process, I ask that you keep in mind my perspective as a consumer. A consumer who, as a doctoral candidate paid Capella for courses and advisement. My forty thousand dollars were paid to Capella with the ultimate goal of receiving a Ph.D. Capella University makes a profit from the acceptance of these funds. When Capella University accepts these funds, the University is obligated to provide effective advisement to their learners. The University employs various people to assist and guide learners as they progress through their programs. Capella has failed in this regard. The University failed to provide a comprehensive program, which was consistent, fair and understandably communicated by all parties involved.

My Experience with Dr. XXXX – my mentor and committee chair.
While attending my last residency (Phoenix, AZ 2005) I spoke with Dr. XXX regarding the assignment of my comprehensive committee. I had advised him that Dr. XXX had contacted me towards the end of HS8113. She was the instructor for HS8113 (last course prior to Comprehensives) and advised me that not only was she very happy with my performance in her course, but if I did not have a mentor as of yet, she would very much like that position. She also stated interest in being my committee chair. After speaking with Dr. XXX, I then emailed Dr. XXX, requesting Dr. XXX be my mentor and committee chair. Dr. XXX was very helpful in fulfilling my request.
In preparation for participating in the accelerated process (which Dr. XXX and Dr. XXX had encouraged me to do), I made sure to FULLY understand the timelines, course requirements and what needed to be submitted by whom for smooth progress.
During one of our phone conversations Dr. XXX had advised me that she was not going to be teaching at Capella Summer quarter of 2005 because she was “sick and tired of having to fight the system”. Further she advised me of the numerous appeals on her behalf from learners who she felt were not worthy of being in the program. She complained about Dr. XXX, Dr. XXX and Dr. XXX while stating if I ever repeated what she had just told me, she would deny every bit of it. Well, being that it was too late at that point to change committee chair and members (especially after all the trouble I had caused to get it set up), I chose to mind my p’s and q’s and heed caution regarding this conversation.
I’m not sure if all Capella faculty were experiencing as much difficulty in understanding their role as mentor/committee chair for a learner, but on numerous occasions I found myself cutting and pasting the documentation from the new Comprehensive Examination Manual which instructed Dr. XXX of the new process, documents she was responsible for filing, and where to find them. I even called the University for her to find out where on the faculty site she would find the documents.
The first comprehensive call went well.
I received my questions and submitted responses to Dr. XXX.
Dr. XXX, however, was nowhere to be found. What I mean by this statement is that after I submitted my comprehensive answers, I anticipated an email from her verifying she received them. After waiting four days, I sent another email asking her to verify receipt. No response from Dr. XXX. I then called her home in Florida, left a voice message advising that I had not heard from her regarding my comprehensive answers. I asked for a call back. I advised that I heard she was in the hospital and if that is the case, to please have one of my committee members contact me to instruct on how we were going to proceed. STILL NO ANSWER.
One week after the initial submission, I resent them to my other committee members, explaining why I was sending them.
Later that day, I received an email from Dr. XXX stating “DrM2B: I have not responded to you as I am recovering from surgery.... my apologies. Thanks for sending your comprehensive exams to the committee. XXX “
I then received feedback in four, very confusing, unorganized separate emails that I would be required to rewrite all four of my answers. Dr. XXX scores of my responses were the lowest. She advised me I would have 14 days to do so. I called Dr. XXX to ask for clarification on some of the feedback, as it was very vague and confusing.
She opened the call not with “hello, what can I do for you as your committee chair, but rather, with “feeling overwhelmed?” After I asked her to clarify a few points on the feedback from the other committee members, her response was, “It is not my responsibility to read the feedback from the other committee members, I just forward along whatever they send me.”
I advised her that since she was my chair, I assumed she would be aware of the feedback and be able to talk to it. She instructed me to write an email to the other committee members regarding my questions. After my second request for clarification (three days apart), one committee member did respond saying that he would need to check with Dr. XXX to see if he could clarify on his feedback. At that point, I also received a nasty and snippy email from Dr. XXX stating,
“DrM2B: I thought we resolved this situation? Hence, I am not clear as to why you sent this email. As stated in my previous email, the committee provided you with extensive feedback. Hence, please address the feedback provided in your revisions. Thanks – XXX”
At this point, I was very confused and shocked by Dr. XXX complete reversal of instructions. I did, however, send an apology to the other committee members advising the reason I had asked for clarification was at the instruction of my chair….and proceeded to try and get all four responses done.
On the 8th day of the 14 days given for rewrites, I was rear-ended. I received a knot on my left temple, dislocated my pointer finger on my right hand, received bruises on my right hip, right ribcage, two on my right arm, and shoulder. The day after starting my rewrites, I also had started a new consulting job with on a six-sigma project. The headaches, soreness, blurred vision and migraines from the accident caused me to miss two and a half days of work. I physically needed additional time to recover, but due to my responsibilities in my new position, it was not possible.
My rewrite time shortened dramatically from 14 days down to eight due to the accident.
I actually thought I was still going to be able to submit them on time and answered an email of Dr. XXX stating so. I even employed the assistance of a friend to type as I wrote aloud.
I called Dr. XXX, after an evening of dealing with a migraine and blurred vision. I advised her of my accident, my injuries and that I would have my responses to her before 24 hours was up. I left this information on her voice mail.
She called me back and left a message on my cell phone to call her. When I returned her call, her first comment was “You’re probably pretty pissed, huh?”…..Since I thought she was referring to my car accident, I advised her that I was still sore, experiencing the headaches and still had the big bruises; but my car was drivable, and I was thankful I wasn’t injured any greater than that. She said, “Oh, you didn’t get my email then, did you”. In addition, I said no, I have been trying to play catch-up from being out and I was at work. She then very flippantly stated, “You’re disenrolled, my friend”. I was silent and then asked her “I’m sorry?” She said the deadline was last night, and you failed to meet it. I was silent, knowing that she received my message of my car accident and had not even commented on that yet. She then said, “It didn’t have anything to do with me….its the University…..” Then she said….”U can scream and yell ya know” and laughed. She actually laughed! I advised her that I was at work and hung up the phone.
After reading the nice form letter she submitted, I called XXX to advise her of the situation. This was not the first communication to XXX. I had previously complained to XXX regarding my experience through this process and Dr. XXX.
My GPA and the timeframe in which I completed the coursework speak for itself. I am not the type of learner who takes her PhD program lightly. I have received a 4.0 for my coursework, been diligent in my education, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience Capella provided for my 40 K dollars up until the comprehensives.
A car accident is out of ones control and I would hate to think that after I completed my coursework with a 4.0 GPA and paid Capella 40K, the unprofessional and noncommittal performance of Dr. XXX as my committee chair is what stands between me and a fair chance to pursue a Ph.D.
Inconsistencies between “New Comprehensive Examination Manual” and my Committee Chair
The manual states to place all references at the end of responses
The courseroom instructor (HS9995-C) stated the same
Dr. XXX requested they be placed at the end of each question.
No where does the manual state that quotations are not to be used throughout responses
Dr. XXX insisted that I have NO quotations and one reference cited per paragraph.

My experience with Dr. XXX so far:
I was approached by her as an instructor representing the Capella reputation
I was convinced to switch my mentor and committee chair to her
I listened to her complain and degrade the university which employs her
I listened to how she didn’t like Dr. XXX, Dr. XXX, Dr. XXX, and others
I listened to her describe how she does whatever it takes to get out of attending the residencies and that is why she has refused the idea of becoming core faculty.
I was told if I repeated any of our conversations that she would deny everything she said
I listened to how she’d rather teach more classes at the other school she is employed at because they pay per student in comparison to per class at Capella
I listened to her complain about all the ridiculous appeals she has had to answer to over the last two quarters.
I was advised to do one thing one day and then the complete opposite days later
I was advised it is not her responsibility to know what the other committee members had written for feedback ….she just forwards it on.
I was ignored because “she was recovering from surgery”
I was belittled and insulted by her comments that my comprehensive submission was a complete disappointment to her when I initially called for feedback clarification
I was flippantly told I was disenrolled, after she was advised I was in a car accident, without even asking how I was.

My concerns:
Does capella pay for being a mentor or committee chair?
Was she motivated to ask to be mine because she also knew she had surgery planned?
Does Capella require a committee chair to advise the school and or their learners that they will be unavailable for three weeks due to surgery?
Does Capella require Committee chairs to advise learners of the rewrite extension process or opportunity?
How many other learners are being treated by her in such a degrading and unprofessional manner?

In closing, I wish to reiterate my complete disappointment in the new comprehensive process. By the creation of the Doctoral Academic Advisors positions, it is obvious Capella also recognizes they have problems with their new process. Further, upon doing a little research, I was rather surprised at the number of websites which are dedicated to communicating a negative image of Capella. These sites are moderated by previous learners, who like me: paid their forty thousand dollars, achieved a high GPA and somehow managed to fail their comprehensives. These sites give detailed instructions on filing complaints about Capella. I have included a copy of the organizations listed along with relevant correspondence with my committee members.

Regards,
DrM2B

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Dont Even ASK!! Just Trust me.......

EVIL


EVIL I say.....EVIL.......My first Committee Chair for PhD. I say first because I have a new committee now after winnning my appeal.

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"The best laid plans of mice & (wo)men "

I came across this picture while surfing the other nite........it reminded me that I have lost my way as of late. I had to admit guilt of NOT being in the moment these past few month's. To be honest, there haven't been many conscious "moments" recorded throughout my PhD journey of the past two years.




I was obsessed with jumping thru doctoral hoops.....performing what my committee had asked of me without question. I put my life on hold.....told friends and family we would catch up in future days. I chose daily what I had time for: work, social life, family, attending Dharma teachings, going to the gym, tending to my pets, and school. I asked workmates to excuse the sleepiness because I was up writing. All of this was unfair and selfish. I wonder though, what other way was there?? I am not blessed with a significant other who could provide while I treated my PhD as a fulltime job.


Well, now what? ......I've been asking myself that same question for the last two weeks. As you read previously, I was told my comps were not satisfactory....and that I had two weeks to rewrite them. Because I thought my comps were done, and I had bills to pay....I accepted a new position and timed it so my start date would be after my comps were due. After I got the news that I would be rewriting my comps, I realized my first two weeks in the new job were going to be rather stressful!! But hey.......it was only two weeks, right? Ease into the new job responsibilities and spend everyother waking hour rewriting my comps was the plan.

This is where "the plan" went "awry". Eight days into rewriting the comps, on the way to work, I was rear-ended. My little dependable jeep (over 100,000 miles) only suffered damage to the rear left quarter panel and a flat tire. The guy who hit me? His front-end was all smashed in. When he hit me, his car went under my back end and lifted me up......threw my little jeep about 3 car lengths and whipped my around facing the other way. I wasn't hurt all that bad. No real injuries other than a huge knot on my head, bruises on my leg, hip, rib and arm. I was very fortunate.


My new employment was kind and understanding enough to give me time off. I laid in bed for a few days trying to nurse my migraine headaches, and sore body. All the while, knowing the time was ticking away against me regarding my comps. Now, without going into detail, lets just say the attitude of my committee chair concerning my inital comps was less than warm and caring. The supposed relationship that exists between a candidate and their mentor, committee chair did not exist. In fact, when I submitted my comps the first time, she was no where to be found for over a week. She didn't respond to email or voicemails I left asking if she received them. After a week, I resent them to the rest of my committee and asked if they knew what was up with Dr. XXX?? Lo and behold, out of the woodwork comes a response from her stating: I'm sorry I haven't responded, Ive been recovering from surgery, thank you for sending them to the rest of the committee.

Throughout the whole process, her behavior was rude and condescending. I listened to her comments about other professors, learners and the school overall. After my accident, I didn't think calling her was a good decision. I figured she would just think I was looking for an extension or trying to buy more time. Silly me.....I actually thought I would be fine... up and writing and have them done by the deadline.

The Tuesday nite (day 14), the deadline, came and went. Try as I did, I wasn't able to finish them...so I did the next best thing and called my committee chair. I left a message on her answering machine stating the circumstance and that I would do my best to get them to her by midnight Wednesday. Long story short...... No notice from her....no sympathy for my accident....she called to let me know I've been disenrolled from the university. Of course its under appeal. Of course I have done my research and found out that I am not alone in this situation. Apparently, there are many PhD candidates that have also paid their 40K, done the work, obtained high GPA (4.0 for me)....and somehow managed to fail their comps.

I am sure if its the new comps process (previously there was not a 6 wk time limit on getting them done), or if I am the latest victim of my committee chair and her change in demeanor as of late (post surgery and 'angry at the University). As of Monday the 28th, I have the chore of convincing the school that my "case" is worthy of a reversal. If my appeal falls on deaf ears, then I will submit an application to another university in order to finish what I started.

This whole experience has left me a little off kilter. I have been forced to re-evaluate the value of this PhD journey. I keep looking inward, to my Buddhist teachings for answers to why this happened, what part I played in the fallout, what was the lesson?? I believe all things happen for a reason. I just wish "that" reason would surface so I could get back on track. LOL

Are you still reading??? This is where I tell U I'm not sure why I've even decided to BLOG this whole ugly experience. If anyone has any advice....words of wisdom, or insight ....please leave a comment. It will be greatly appreciated. In closing, the statement below I think says it all........" There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way". I plan on staying more in the moment ...... happy moments. Perhaps I will find my "way" again.

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This man should know!....RIGHT?!?!?!

I'm stressin folks!! MORE COWBELL PLEASE!!!!
but then again.....I guess if this whole PhD thing was easy, everyone would have one.
Keep sending positive thoughts into the universe....... BLAH!

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This evening after cleaning up from the pity party, I decided to do a little Blogsurfing....One of my favorite photblogs PEACE of MY MIND had posted this a while back. Talk about timing!!

When I first read Leesa's posting......I was able to relate the words to what I am feeling today about my PhD. But....as I linked back thru the link titled Laura I found a new read :) Great BLOG...take a meander thru her postings. I also linked back to this, and read the expanded version of Leesa's words. What I found most enlightening was how a discussion on "existence" has many applications. In my narrow concentration this eve, I had applied it to my lifes purpose......in the origin of "the story" it relates to the bigger picture of a lifes journey.

Kerismith wrote "...how does one know if they are traveling in the right direction? trust that your heart will lead where you need to go. when your heart speaks, you will feel a deep knowing at the root of it. love, joy, pain, sadness, fear, they are all a part of it. they will be with you throughout it all. that is your truth. there is nothing else." 'and you arrive and you are lightening' -neruda

Thank you Leesa....Laura....and Kerismith :)

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Good News, Bad News....Which First?!





Well, its official blogpeeps..I SUCK!

***and not in a sexual way, as I think that would qualify as a good thing??

I finally got feedback, in totality, on my comps. I received them just in time to ruin a perfectly good cleaning and shopping weekend. Now, I could cut and past the comments as provided by the three esteemed PhD's of my committee....but I won't.

That wouldn't be fair...as they are not here to defend themselves, my mother wouldn't be proud...& quite frankly, I'm pretty sure this guy would not approve.

Lets be honest here, I do not disagree with the statements made about my writing ....I guess its just a crushing blow to my ego. All thru this program I have received nothing but positive comments on my writing, analysis, and ability to communicate the topic at hand. During one residency, one doctor giving a lecture on quantitative research methods, used my writing as an example of "stellar" work. I've received nothing less than A's.....4.0 for all my coursework (with each course culminating with a 40-60 page research paper).

What the fuck!? .....Am I just burnt?? Was I too quick to move on to the meat of this journey?...the big D....the dissertation? Were my comps the result of a procrastination and too much confidence and sitting on my laurels?? Did I not take this seriously enough......Did I not ask enough questions during the initial conference call? Did I really not understand what was expected of me at this stage of the game? AGH!

At 3 am last nite, when I finally got around to reading the first of the feedback, my heart just sank. Here I thought all those long nites and skipped social events, were well worth it.......but as I read the comments (see below), I reflected on this decision, the 40k I have spent in loans already, and how I have blown off my friends, family, the gym. I was seriously wondering if it has all been worth it.

BUT....after a good night sleep.....I refuse to think anything other than it has been worth it!! I told myself to suck it up ....stop throwing the pity party.....give the cross to the chiminera to be burned..... and get the fuck over myself!!

DO NOT FEAR my blogpeeps....for today I called my committee chair to clarify some of the feedback documentation. I also thought what the hell, and had the balls to ask "....is this standard?....or did I just SUCK at this?"

Her response U ask?? ......."well, your submission was a great disappointment" HOWS THAT FOR HONESTY FOLKS?!? She also opened the conversation with "so...are U overwhelmed"? I of course held the tears back and answered as honestly as I could...." yes, Dr. X, I am".

I guess we know what little phrase has been repeating in my head ever since ....don't we ?!?!?!? ....and...she likes me!........god help those she doesn't.

I think the lesson here was for me to experience what its like when others face my blunt honesty!! ::::taking little address book out, and noting who she needs to apologize to:::

Summarization of some of the comments I received:

The learner failed to focus on the topic and her responses were descriptive, incomplete, read like a textbook, lack conceptual understanding of research methods. In addition, the committee feels my writing lacked inclusion of theory, contained a multitude of grammatical, writing, and APA errors.

and

The response to this question lacks organization, focus, integration, and synthesis.

or

One VERY long response could be boiled down to me missing the mark altogether. My writing was referred to as generic, thin, and lacking any reference to current literature.

and lastly:

The doctoral learner failed to give a comprehensive discussion of the scholarly literature. A thorough description of possible post partum depression prevention methods in new mothers was not included and the articles used as reference were "suspect".

** I think that was referring to the use of textbooks on psychology, and the DSM-IV-TR.

In all fairness........in their own coded way, the committee members did include guiding statements such as :

"Perhaps a more exhaustive search of the literature would yield ..."

and

"The learner should review more empirical studies relating to..."

and

"the comprehensive written response could benefit from a strong outline, subheadings, and topic sentences to document integration, synthesis, and the implications for research."

and

"the response to this question would be strengthened by a comprehensive discussion and critical analysis of the theories' assumptions and limitations."

SO....WHAT NOW... U ASK??? (THOSE OF U WHO ARE STILL READING THIS WHINING POSTING)

**** Back to the drawing board......research data bases.....multitude of articles, lates nites, and pots of coffee !! Not sure about any of you, but I work best when I'm pissed off, and feel I have something to prove. AND I am pissed........NOT at the committee members........Im sure they didn't decide that my submittal was going to be the first they trashed unfairly. They did their job.....now its time to do mine. I'm pissed at myself.....first for obviously not taking this seriously enough.... and second for still blogging about it!!! LOL

OH......did I mention I start a new Project Management job on Monday??? Yeah......this is not going to be a pleasant 2 weeks to be around me.

Please think positive thoughts for me. Evidently, I need them more than I thought I did the first time I asked U!?!?!?!?!

:::shutting up now....and getting to the research! :::

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Ah!............



Nothing like snugglin with a loving pinhead ( or 2...) all weekend :) Her name is Bella.

Now that I'm done with my comprehensives....got some sleep (coma); I finally have the time and opportunity to get all those things done that I daydreamed about and wished I had the time to do when I was stressed out and writing.

Why is it that now that I have this "wished for" opportunity....I don't know where to begin??

I think I need to first find that "re-entry into normalcy" workshop to attend.

I was thinking about this today as I lounged in bed all day.....I started my course work October '03. Its been two years of fucking hell. I'm not sure I even know how to sleep longer than 3 hours.....or go to bed at night. For the last two years ....after going to work...I would come home...let the pups go potty...change into PJ's...get some dinner...and start my second job til all hours of the nite. Then get a "nap"......cold shower....stop at startbuck for an iv drip.....and tortured those I worked with during the day with my sleep-deprived self. I'm not sure any of those people would recognize me without a startbucks venti in my hand.

My weekends were filled with sleeping sunday am til afternoon because I've been up since fri nite writing and doing research. Shopping for groceries was done on line with the delivery guy showing up sun am before I went to bed.

Over the years, I have watched WAY too many x-files, west wing marathons, law / order and all the other various crime shows on at 4 am ....( and yes....I'm watching a law and order marathon right now in fact ....teehee ). I have become a pro at shopping on-line at 3 am...and know my UPS, DHL and fedex delivery people better than I know my friends.

well...its 1 am.....I gotta pay some bills, write my list of errands for tomarrow, and....

Best of all??!!...I have til all hours of the am to catch up on all my favorite blogs ..........peace out! M

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How I spent the day.........

As you (the three of U who read..teehee) know.......I'm currently at the mercy of my comprehensives committee ......waiting for them to give a passing grade. So, to pass this stressfull waiting period, I thought I'd take advantage of a nice sunny Sunday and CLEAN !!!

Does anyone want to take a gander at how fuckin big "dust bunnies" can get as they grow in the crevices of a kingsize 4-poster bed?? Well...I'll tell U....larger than U would believe!

Does anyone want to take a gander at what a toy rat terrier can drag under a bed? I'm beginning to think I really didn't need to invest in that shredder in the office. I have a live mobile shredding machine thats much cuter and snuggles!!!

Over the last two years......the bedroom had become ground zero for my doctoral activities.

I have learned that my kingsize bed serves very well as a great space to spread out all my research, topic specific books, memoirs of prisoners, texts and various journals. In addition, add 1 laptop, 1 cordless phone, 1 cell phone, 8 pillows, 1 container of swedish fish, 1 container of popcorn, 1 little container of berry skittles, 3 little puppies (who have to be physically touching me), approximately 5-8 toys ( half-chewn bears, beanies, a cow that moos, a frog that ribbits, mini-muppet characters of beeker, fozzy, kermit, and the mad scientist).
My bed hasn't been made or been sans all the aforementioned items in two years.

I digress.....after moving the bedtop items to the kitchen table (storage area for all previous coursework and published documents....and extra books not applicable to the current research), the bed was stripped.......the mattress was turned and flipped (not an easy feat when the bed takes up the majority of the room) and leaned against the window wall. Last, the box springs were removed and leaned against the mattress.

OH MY GODDESS!!!! I am sooooo happy I purchased one of those 400.00 dyson vacuums! U know the one .....the commercial shows that guy who talks affectionately (softly with an accent) about the vacuum he designed. Take my word for it....that vacuum is THE BOMB!

Now I know they say bunnies multiply exponentially...... and I believe them! There was a colony of dust bunnies under the bed in addition to two magazines worth of shredded paper, 6 or so more toys, one of my nose rings, a part of a regular ring (sans the stone), 2 bobby pins, 5 pennies, 2 hair ties, a half-eaten tube of super -glue the missing right slipper of the first set and the missing left slipper of the replacement set. Gotta love the rat!!! (Bella and Pebbles NEVER chew or hoard toys like the rat does...or so they tell me).

After vacuuming......the bed was put back together....the reserve pillow-top mattress pad was pulled out, and the reserve set of 1000 count sheets lovingly dressed the bed. I even pulled out the "winter" duvet cover with the heavier feather bed inside.........ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! 10 pillows were back in place......the other duvet cover cleaned and put away, puppy stairs put back in place and everyone crawled under the covers to settle in for the nite.

All is well except I think the pups are a bit upset with their "stash" being discovered and apprehended...I keep getting the "stink eye".



NITE....NITE

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6 short hours to be brilliant!!!!


Which report was that in??????.........Who said that part about................I know I read that somewhere............AAGGHHHH......I swear I saved that website........
Calgon!!!! TAKE ME AWAY

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OH MY GODDESS!!! 12 hours --> so much to do!



!!!!!!!!!!!!AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Official - 24 hours to go !!!



Its now only 24 hours til I turn the future over to my doctoral committee --YIKES!!


As I post this, some of U are out partying the nite away?

or snuggling on the couch watching movies w/friends, a significant other, or furkids:)

Better yet......U are sound asleep....

and, although I only know U thru your respective BLOGs (whomever that person is that U have chosen to reveal to the blogdom); I want U all to know, over these last couple monthes, they have provided a wonderful balance to my late nite research!!!

so.....after Sunday at Midnight (AZ time)....I hope to provide more than a lesson in counting backwards accompanied by
angry little bunnies and screaming stick figures!

Okay.......enough sentiment......Back to the books for me!

Sleep well ...and dream positive PhD thoughts for me!!

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On the 2nd day of comps....

Ever have one of those days ???

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On the 3rd day of comps....

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On the 4th day of comps....




Need further explanation???
Didnt think so
LUV Ya....
Mean it....
............back to the books.......M

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On the 5th day of comps....


Research Methodology...

Integration and Synthesis of Relevant Theory and Research...Application of Relevant Theory & Research to a Real-Life Situation... Focus on School Specific Core Values and Program Outcome.

..***In case anyone was wondering what I have been writing about..............These are the four topics..... YIPPEE Ky Ya Mo-FO! I havent included the actual questions as the rules state I am not allowed any outside influence in completing them........I wouldnt want any PPD experts out there sending me documentation .....LOL

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On the 6th day of comps....

I feel for others who are in my path today!!!!

COMBINING:

Raging hormonal outbursts about house cleanliness (or lack thereof) including my 20 minute manifesto on proper laundry procedures

WITH:

The stress of "the last week" remaining before my comps are due.

RESULTS IN:

  1. visitors speaking in hushed tones in the "other" room OR outside "to visit puppy" with boyfriend.....
  2. me seeing less and less of my neighbors who are usually eager to wave hi/bye thru the day... and rush to hold the shark-terror ZOE when she is outside "doing her business".....
  3. a positive correlation between the decrease in calls from friends "checking on the progress" and the decrease of "time left" to be brilliant...
  4. a severe need to eat chocolate, cry and hug Bella, ZOE and Pebs when watching the lifetime channel, and of course stay in bed and my PJ's all day.......why sit at a desk and write when I can be more comfy sitting in bed with the laptop, books, and books and more books and the stinker-cuddle bug pups :)

***ok...back to the books.....***

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On the 7th day of comps....


Does no one stop by anymore????
Where are my peeps??..........not even any lurking....
I'm not feelin the love here bloggers!!!!
Hello?..............okay....well I guess I'll back to my books.....no one to play with.

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On the 8th day of comps....

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On the 9th day of comps....

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On the 10th day of comps...



Procrastinator's Creed

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
**From:http://www.eskimo.com/~spban/creed.html

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On the 11th day of comps...

Okay so its Wednesday September 21st.
I have 11 days til I turn in my brilliance to my committee.......YIKES!!

so....instead of sitting and jammin on the books and keyboard.......what did I find necessary to get done around the house ????

  1. Called to schedule my nail appt.
  2. Looked at bills needing to be paid
  3. Sat on hold for 20 MINUTES!! trying to activate new CC that I will be living on if I don't find a job after NOV 2!! (no, Im not working....my last computer gig contract ended 21 days ago :)
  4. Played with the pinheads and the ZOEster. (two miniature min-pins and toy rattie).
  5. Took at nap --because ...well....I could ! **laughing maniacally**
  6. Created my xmas list of peeps I need to shop for this year.
  7. Checked the ::gift stash:: in the Buddha/Yoga room to see what I DO have still to gift :) ...yes...I'm one of those people who shop all year for great stuff on sale....and stow it away for events (b-days, births, anniversaries, promotions, graduations....etc).
  8. Did some laundry
  9. Called my recruiters to see who had what out there.....
  10. and ....of course.......started purusing thru the HNT's ALREADY posted :)

**** I can be SO productive when I'm procrastinating!!!!****

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On the 12th day of comps...

My TV played for me.........Ms. Cyndi Lauper and her twelve deadly Cnys......few more daze cyn....just a few more daze....then the Girls who wanna....will.... have fun!

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24 MoRe DaZe! - GeT CrAcKiN!

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9/5 --> 27 More Daze!!

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9/3 -> 29 More DAZE!!!

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10 Ways to Avoid Only 35 More Days !!

*I am getting very adept at finding other "important tasks" which require my attention*
  1. Buy new thongs and sort panty drawer....
  2. Match up Tops and Bottoms of all the Tupperware...
  3. Get my hair cut
  4. Get my hair colored
  5. Make sure I am current on reading my Fave BLOGs
  6. Put the "paid bills" reciepts in the accordian file folder (Jan-> now)
  7. GO thru and clean out unneccessary email folders and their contents
  8. Redo logical categories on CD collection and put 'em in their new sleeves
  9. Give the puppy a bubble bath
  10. Write Lists

* Okay.....Going to Bed and THEN I'm going to finish this first paper!!*

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Sunday .....14 dAzEs....til I have my life back!



Since a few of you have asked thru the weeks "what the hell are U counting down ?!?"

I thought I'd include a small readers digest version of this journey....

I am currently writing my comprehensive exams for my PhD.....

Long story short...the two yrs of coursework I completed (proud to say with a 4.0)...are now being tested by my Doctoral Committee members.

This committee consists of 3 PhD's (Professors) who have familiarity with my doctoral concentration (postpartum disorders).

They created 4 questions (containing on average 3 sections of research questions) which is to be researched, answered, and written according to APA writing standards.

At the 6 weeks deadline, I hand this 60 page document (excluding title, table of contents,appendices and references) to my committee.

They then examine it in relation to a standardized set of requirements and advise the university whether or not I have fulfilled what they were looking for.

The committee and I then get together so I can "defend" verbally what I wrote....(by answering questions they have about my research findings).

The committee then recommends to the University that I be allowed to do a real life study and complete my dissertation in the process.

After that is completed according to more rules and guidelines than you want to know and my study documentation is published....I become a doctor?!?!

Hope that helps. :)

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2 wEeKs...5 DaZes ....EEEK!


I am haunted by my comprehensives!!!!!

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