~~~HeLp Me!!!~~~

Oh....yeah...sure...they look all 'sweet & innocent'....but for some reason tonite.....well....can U say 'dogs on crack'!?!?! U see, little miss Zoester (on the right) got her first period last week... =( No longer a baby... She did, however, move right into the role of sad & pitiful, crabby, crampy & cranky!

Fast forward to this week?!? As U can see, shes over it....& has moved on to 'other' activities! --Hi, my name is Zoe & I am Crazy Horny..I just discovered humping & I'm busy a -humping anything (anyone) who will let me!! Do U see the look KorKor has on her sweet, (violated) face?.....YUP....she was busy planning her revenge in this picture!!!

First...she decided it was necessary to open a can of whip-Ass on the Zoester! Mind U, I am trying to write as they are jumping & fighting all around me on the couch.

& finally.....here we see the Zoester takin it like the crazy bitch she is! No picture to show U.....but she patiently waited til KorKor was soooooo out of breath from humpin her ....b4 turning & starting round 1232345345412321!!!

~~Do U think my Committee Chair will Believe Me?~~

The Pixie, over at 212, mentioned Mr Mercury is in retrograde...so be aware.

I did a little more research on it (partly to find out what the hell has been the issue with my electronics, life, accomplishments this past weekend.....or LACK THERE OF!

YUP.....totally explains it...... U see...Mercury is the communicator planet....mmm?.....interesting huh?

Now, what if that little planet is having a bit of a forward "flow" issue?.....well....ShItE.... lets just couple that phenom with the fact this retrograde is hanging out in the fiery sign of Sagittarius ( yeah....thats ME!)

Sag's are 'by nature'.........get things done kind of peeps.

HoWeVeR! .....U guessed it......Mr. Mercury.....is FuCkIn with my 'forward flow'.....leaving me wondering why normally I can bang out 30 pages of writing NO PROB over the course of a nite.......yet....for some reason this past weekend......I found myself reading ....reading.....researching.....finding.....great studies & documents to incorporate.....BUT DIDNT! All weekend..... I was on task....working to churn it out....yet....here it is Monday afternoon..... & I'm taking a 1/2 day from work to write!!!

Mr. Mercury has delayed, setback, & created a lack of clarity thereby preventing me from finishing on time. AGH!

SO....be aware.....he's lurking in the corners of your accomplishments....he will cause you to run into "THINGS" from your past....he might have you 'bump' into an old lover or experience previous memories U have long since let go.

oH...be careful with that radio too.........he LUVs to pull out that box of old LP's, tapes, CD's.....the box U thought went bu-bye at the last rummage sale!!!

~ Long Story Short - B aware, B Patient, & Be compassionate during these days ~~

October 28th, 2006 - November 17th, 2006

~~~If U don't??..It'll just come back 2 bite you in the arse!~~~

BOO!....... Check out the puppy pumkin Stu-beans carved for me!!!

As we talked on the phone....trying to determine which 2 of the 4 were the muses....I found myself having a strange sensation.

I was my mom....participating in a phone conversation with all the girls within earshot & all I could do was say....oh its beautiful!!!!


yes,....SHE is right here....SHE is looking at it on the screen.....THEY will love it when it gets here! HAHAHAHAHA

The moment was strangely reminiscent of when I was little & my parents had those secret squirrel conversations within earshot!!

YEAH.....I know......twisted.......but hey.......regardless of what CeeeeeZARRR says.....they R MY BABIES!! (just try to tell them different!! )

Be safe out there tomarrow!.....Bring your animals in!.....& most importantly....take some time during the 'bewitching hour" (1/2 B4 midnite...& 1/2 after)....to remember, honor & 'visit' with your loved ones who have passed.

~BLESSED BE~

Blu~ Tagged me…….(in a round about way……)


1. Explain what ended your last relationship? He couldn’t be REAL
2. When was the last time you shaved? Today
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Sleeping….it’s Saturday
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Avoiding my proposal….
5. Are you any good at math? Yes…when I have to be…I hate it otherwise…
6. Your prom night? What about it?
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Adopted….don’t know…..I guess they are …since my peeps are the original people!
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Boy howdy..dont cha know it!
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? MySpace is not worth my time…..
10. Last thing received in the mail? My mini cards from Flicker….(moo)
11. How many different beverages have you had today? Water, OJ, Mountain Dew….
12. Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machine? Yes..& call their cell to do the same….
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Foreigner or Eddie Money….can not remember….
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? no
15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had? Wisdoms
16. What is out your back door? Grass, pool, patio, patio furniture.
17. Any plans for Friday night? Last nite- Groceries, clean, IPOD, research.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? NO
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? Y
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? A couple.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Why not?
22. Some things you are excited about? My babies greeting me when I come home….
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? EW! Animal By-products
24. Describe your keychain(s)? Tiffany’s
26. Where do you keep your change? Purse-LV case HM- Tiffany’s Monogrammed Jar
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? Ski, Motorcycle, Rain, play, work, casual, etc…etc….etc…..(grew up in WI…hard to let that habit die)
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? Beautiful
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Either
30. Did U read this far? Consider yourself tagged!!

~~WhaT is IT aBoot ThoSe BoYs from WaLeS?~~

This past weekend......Stubeans & I went to see 'The Prestige'. Great movie......good twists.....(of course I figured it out 1/2 way thru) & argued with Stu til the end when he had to admit.......'OK...U figured it out....'

Thru-out the whole movie tho....I was both creeped out & turned on by the character played by Christian Bale. I could not remember from where I saw him. Until today when I found these stills from 'The Prestige'..... The story line under them listed Christian Bale from 'BatMan Begins' The June 05, darker story of how Batman came into being.... RIGHT! ......well...now that I think of it.....I was rather creeped out by him in that one too.

....... YIKES what is happening? Why doesn't the clean cut 'normal' (not brooding, not angry, not psychotic, not obsessive, not addicted, not filled with an exotic accent when he speaks, not blah blah blah......) guy do it for me?!?!?

well...anywho....here's some eye candy for you =)

~~Don'T ChA JuSt LuV HaLLoWeeN?!?~~

What!?!.....I'm suppose to save it for the kids? UM.....lets see.....today is the 23rd..& Halloween is the 31st... OH HELL NO! 8 days?? Yeah~right!




8 middle~of~the~Nite~Chocolate~attacks? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey! U know what!? There's plenty more at the store. Besides, Candy is bad for their teeth!!

~~~WeekEnd Wasn't a Total Loss~~~

Well.....as I sat the whole weekend in front of my 'puter working on editing /proofing & formatting DOCS for work......in addition to my PhD work.....(yeah....wish you were me ...right!?)

I took some secret squirrel pics of the girls playing w/ (destroying) their toys.....KorKor was very concerned that I was going to snag the elephant .......

I also loaded 961 songs into Betty....WoOt wOoT! Fantastic that 961 songs only ate up 3.84 GB's of her total capacity of 8GB's !!! I am sooo LUVin this NaNo....After looking over the collections (Women, Men, groups, world, Dance, classic Rock, misc.)....it appears even after loading 961 songs worth of music, I have the same (or more) number still to load!!

I will be quite the happy camper if I can get them all to fit..... =)












SO....would you agree that Zoe doesnt seem too thrilled in this pic? .....I think she was rather pissed off at KorKor...

Perhaps she knew little toy Ellie was not going to make any more noises after her sister got done tellin it to Simmah DOWN!..... =(

~~ Am I the Only One? ~~

Lately ......I've been mulling (great Autumn word...huh?) over something I am having a hard time defining.....I've been sitting here typing, backspacing, typing, backspacing, typing different ways to define whats been puzzling me.

So pardon me if this becomes a tangent of sorts. It revolves around how what happens during conversations I have with friends, family & workmates. Specifically I find myself asking "have you read my blog?....I wrote all about it". One of my quirks, traits, pet-peeves is strongly disliking having to repeat myself. I hate doing it... get irritated when I have to..... & have been known to point this out during conversations ....LOL (those closest to me have even informed me that when I do repeat things (for the memory impaired) I have been know to do so in a condescending & pain'd tone. Silly people....if they listened the FIRST time I said it....my TONE wouldnt be an issue! ...HA!

Anywho...I digress......

So....am I alone in this type of interaction? Do you find yourself starting conversations with others by asking them if they've read your blog before getting into the topic of conversation?

What I find funny is that I know in the back of my mind I am doing them a favor....I am trying to save them the drudgery of listening to yet ANOTHER story about Zoe, KorKor & the PinHeads, my weapon, some TV show I've watched, an article I read, the house, me me me ........

but.....in reality what is really happening? I am trying to save myself (because its all about me...remember?) the hassle of repeating. I wonder....do I think because I wrote it down in my blog.....that I shouldn't have to verbalize it too!.....

Is this another, higher, level of arrogance? Have I overachieved again...

Lately, this issue has surfaced during phone conversations or when IM'ing with people who have penis's. Now stay with me here.... what I'm trying to say is that for some reason I have begun to emotionally tie their level of care and interest in my life (other than my kitty) to how up-to-date they are with things I have blogged about.

Usually during the conversation, they will ask "so...hows the PhD coming along?, what have you been up to lately?, whats new ?" & I know they haven't read my blog. I know this because I have (in painful detail) blogged about: my proposal being rejected by my committee chair, buying my weapon, recent changes to the house occupants....re-arranging of furniture....door locks (with pictures!!!), my hot water heater fiasco, & Betty my new 8GB Nano.

NOW....I ask U.......Is it a guy thing?.....do I expect too much from people?....is it me?...am I the oddball because I make note of whats going on in peoples life & stay current in conversations? Or am I being too suspicous & falsely judging their actions as 'caring more about the kitty..than me and whats going on in my life'???

& before you tell me I should be happy they call...& that not everyone has access to a computer or the time to read blogs.......I want you to understand all 3 of these individuals I have experienced this issue with lately.....either - work in the computer industry, work at a computer in their job, or carry a blackberry!~

okay... blogpeeps.......talk to me ......what's your opinion on this?

~~~I say and U think~~~

Okay.....so I've missed a few weeks of participating in this.....but I'm back =)......


Stuff :: 'y' nose...
Block :: letters...
Ingredient :: parts...
Flagrant :: disregard for ....
Dandruff :: EW!
Betty :: My New Nano's name =)
Tide :: 's' of life....
Judges :: 'has opinions'...
Take it easy :: The Eagles...
Chef :: YoJ's man... =)

***Click on the Icon to Play.....

~~~NoTe 2 SeLf~~~

Wear PJ's ........& blow out all the candles before sleeping!!!

~~~on a side note.....just wondering ....where the HELL is everyone!!!~~~

Long Lost Friends, Floods, & New Keys

Whew....where do I start?.... Okay....so......this past saturday nite... my neighbor Char & I are chit chatting over the 'puter for hours into the nite....beers....cigs....blogs... & picture sharing. Sometime throughout the nite I pulled out the 'fetish & fantasy ball' pics. You know, pictures of 1/2 , 3/4 and full on nekkid pictures of people in various fetish & bondage outfits.

A group of us used to go to Vegas every Halloween to attend this event & my friend David (extremely artistically talented) created this Gargoyle outfit (pic @ left) one year & ended up winning 2500.00 in the costume contest. I was telling Char how much I missed him as we went thru all our travel pics over the years. He has been on my mind the last week & on my list to call. He & his partner Daniel had moved to Hawaii last year & its been a while since we have caught up.

WELL....Monday nite after a long work day, I ran errands....got the babies stuffed animal killing remains cleaned up, mopped, & changed into PJ's with intentions of reading a book & going to bed early.

Phone rings....its David! He was calling to see if I was hungry?!?!? huh?......... YEP....they were in town....for David's fathers funeral. =( We met at our favorite Meditterean food spot & chatted into the nite. It was soooo fantastic to see them....hear of their island life...& catch up. =) (more in later post).....

Fast forward to this am......I wake up.....put the pups outside to potty & step in the lake that was forming in my kitchen overnite....!!! My water heater blew. So I call into work......call Stuart to share my saga....mop....& run next door to my conveniently located plumber.

Now....I've owned this home since 1990 & never drained the water heater (I know,I know). We turn off the electricity...Shane told us we needed to drain it before carefully moving it. Well...my lack of attention over the years caused the drain plug to NOT WORK. The heater was clogged with sediment so thick that when Stuart turned on the flush valve....the water inside was all the way to the top & started draining out the release pipe to the side of the house. I went to find a dolly to assist in moving this 50 gallon heater. No dolly around.....but I did find a another neighbor to help drag the heater on a piece of carpet out to the backyard. We flipped it & cruised off to Home Depot...dropped 300+ for another heater.

After we got it home, & put the newly purchased heater into its little space, it turned out to be taller than the last. When Shane came over (at the end of his work day....mind u!) to hook it up, he took the time to replaced all the flex hoses & created a new release drain pipe.

In the meantime......while I waited for Shane, I took advantage of our beautiful AZ weather & changed the front door locks (two knobs & two deadbolts) one set for the front door & another set for the security door. I also repainted the black security doors. I really enjoyed the weather & doing manual things aound the house today. Because of school over the last three years....I have not had the opportunity to check things off that never ending list that exists when you own a home.

Even though I did not bill any hours at work...& spent $ I was not planning on.....it was a GR8 day! I also had the chance to get together with David for dinner. Daniel took the opportunity to attend a work function since they were in town. David mentioned that although they live in paradise....have banana & papaya trees growing in their backyard....walk to the beach each day, the variety of cuisine is lacking on the island. We had delicious Indian food .....mmm....mm..... =)

Thank U Stuart!, for letting me interrupt your day to rescue me....U are the best !!! Thank U Shane! for being there for me today...I appreciate your smiling attitude ....even after your long day ......no questions.....no hesitation....just there to help out a friend & neighbor...U rock! & Thank U David .....for spending your time & sharing your beautiful pictures of the paradise U now call home!




Off to watch Nip /Tuck...hang up the babies Winter shirts..... & prepare for another day.....after a nice long HOT shower of course!!!

~~WaNnA cOmE pLaY~~

~~~HaLlOwEeN iS cOmInG....aRe U rEaDy~~~

~~~BuSy BeE...mE...Me~~~

BeTtY HaD a ChiLd...DaMn ThInG gOnE wILd!!

IsN't ShE CutE!?
Size and weight
Height: 3.5 inches
Width: 1.6 inches
Depth: 0.26 inch
Weight: 1.41 ounces

Newly designed... & clothed in a metal casing....no more plastic for my Betty! ......No more finger prints...I even had the 'Apple-boys' (LOL) put one of those protective plastic sheets entirely over her.......they did it with such precision.....like when they do your car windows!......

8GB people!! YUP....8GBs!!

YES! BeTtY safely Coddles 2,000 of my FaVe TuNeS!....err....she WILL coddle.......

I HAVE JOINED THE APPLE CULT!......... & its actually OK.......I've only had time to upload 100 songs so far.... Used almost 1/2 of a GB .......leaving me 7.0 more to use.....for tunes, pics, videos, contact lists, or games........No more carrying cd's & worrying about them walkin off at work.......I just slip her into my pocket, coin purse....or hang her from the lanyard earphones, & off we go.....into music blissdom.....only think next to this feeling?......ZoesterCoaster, KorKor, Bella,Pebs Luvins........

~~~~& yes.....Black Betty Bam a Lam was the first song she digested!!!~~~~

~~~~CeSaR!!!......U dA bOmB!~~~~

YA KNOW.....that dog whisperer shit really works.....I've been taking back the pack leadership..... (stop laughin!).....by using the submission hold....the schss noise....(really.....stop....laughin!) .....& rewarding "calm submissive behavior"..... Never thought it would work.....especially after seeing the southpark episode (absolutely fuckin hilarious) parody of him.....

(& here...2nd part) but IT DOES! the zoestercoaster TERROR buglet is proof..... (or I am....)

~~~The Wisdom of Fear~~~

My Daily OM managed to deliver another punch to the gut today. Today, of all days, the message talked about Honoring Life Changes. Coincidently, today was also the day he finished packing, hugged each of the pups, whispered how much he loved them, wiped the tears, put his keys on the counter, told me he would call when he was able to talk without crying, took his dog & left.

My daily OM message pointed out that anything worth doing will always have some fear attached to it. Major changes in our lives have a way of bringing up deep fears. Supposedly, this type of fear is good. It is our way of questioning whether we really want the new life these changes will bring. It is also a potent reminder that releasing and grieving the past is a necessary part of moving into the new.

Well, this “good” fear has thrown me off balance, made me feel uncertain and insecure. How is this good?......I know these feelings are telling me I am at the edge of my comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one.

Im doing my best to face this fear….head-mother-fuckin- on….but yesterday (regardless of how many things I saw wrong) is taunting me for some more of that dysfunctional drug. Perhaps, if the house wasn’t so quiet, I wouldn’t be able to hear it so well. I think I scrubbed, vacuumed & dusted too efficiently.…..those fuckin fears are very happy to sit in all the corners, waiting to whisper, as I wander from room to room.

I think I am going to have to have a long talk with these fears……sit them down in front of Buddha…..ask them why they decided to visit? Remind them this is what I have wanted…..that this is what is best …….for all concerned.

And, they better say all they are going to say, get it all out during our talk……. I need my sleep tonite…..the last thing I want to hear is all their questions, doubts, & irrational quick fixes.

~~~ WoW...LoVe ThE MuSiC iN hErE ~~~

First, let me preface this tidbit from my day by telling U: I am VERY tired....We had a HUGE thunderstorm this am at 5....& KoRKoR went bullistic with fright....I've been sick with a cold...( & filled with cold medicine).

SO....ever been sooo tired you really don't know where a sound is coming from?? Yeah.....that was me today.....strolling into the ladies room for a tinkle... suddenly....Simply Red is singing softly......"Holding Back the Tears". At a GOOD volume too.....I wonder to myself ....when did they install muzak?


I turn to the other watercloset occupant & comment "thats nice...huh?....didn't know they started playing muzak in here".....& go about my bidness.


Lay out ASSGasket....remove pants.....sit......& realize the muzak is MUCH louder in the stall......& even LOUDER in the sitting position!!!!


HA!.....don't cha know!.......its my phone!......Gotta wonder how loony-tunes the other visitors thought I was!!! Laughing hysterically at myself in the other stall !!!

..........I'm SUCH an idiot!

~~~Who Says Techies are Boring~~~

Time Spent at the Office to get Promoted?.....................60 hour weeks

# of Secret Wrappers in the Middle of the Nite?............4

Rolls of Tin Foil?.............................................................27

Look on New Bosses Face as he Arrives?........................PRICELESS!!!

~~~CiViC DuTy~~~

SO......I was out yesterday.....downtown to be a little more exact.......performing my civic duty. Well, thats not entirely true.....I was really hard at work trying NOT to be chosen!

I can, however, recommend a few things which will assist the attorneys with their decision to NOT chose you if presented with this lovely (waste of a day) activity!

1. wear a shirt that clearly expresses an opinion or membership .... I went with my "Scottsdale Gun Club" long sleeve black shirt with tatoo-ish designs.

2. during the question & answer phase of the jury selection...... ensure you find SOME example to share when the judge asks questions related to the case (i.e. family history of robbery, incarceration, law enforcement, guns, weapons).

I, of course, shared:
* my uncle is the police chief in his city....
* I own a weapon
* I dated a prison guard
* I assist local PI's,
* I have studied law
* I am in the dissertation phase of my PhD in Criminal Forensic Psych......

.....yeah, I think it was the last item.......that did it.....rung the bell!

Juror # 46?....."U are dismissed"


........thank you sir!

Please return your number ID to the bailiff.....and return to the jury assembly room to collect your $12 /day receipt......

~~~Today's quote from HHDL~~~

Love and Attachment

People often wonder how to reconcile the Buddha's teachings on non-attachment with those on love.

How can we love others without being attached to them?

Non-attachment is a balanced state of mind in which we cease overestimating others' qualities.

By having a more accurate view of others, our unrealistic expectations fall away, as does our clinging.

This leaves us open to loving others for who they are, instead of for what they do for us.

Our hearts can open to care for everyone impartially, wishing everyone to be happy simply because he or she is a living being. The feeling of warmth that was previously reserved for a select few can now be expanded to a great number of people.

U can sign up to have an email from His Holiness the Dalai Lama HERE.


I find these daily messages can be quite the jolt back to my Buddhist practice.....or lately....a reminder that I have not been following Buddha's teachings.

This message above really hit home when I read it. If you have read my blog for any time, you are aware of the struggle I have been having with the person I used to date, share my life, & plan a future with. We have been 'roomies' for a lack of a better description for about 2 yrs now. He moved into the guest room hoping it would all blow over once I finished my PhD. Unfortunately, jealousy of my openess on this BLOG fueled inappropriate bahaviors including very derogatory name-calling, character judgements and loud drunken hissy fits.

Why did I continue to allow this treatment?....Well, that is where this message today from HH comes in. I am aware I was waiting for him to 'realize' those hateful things he said about my character were a result of his inability to communicate in a healthy manner. I thought over time we could discuss it......really listen to eachother.....understand our own triggers.....& work on changing behaviors.

Unfortunately, he sees me as "shrinking" him. Pushing my booksmarts. And I'm sure you can see where that feedback & sharing was going to go! In one ear...out the other. What he failed to realize is.....what I was asking for is the same things anyone who wanted a healthy relationship would!......not because of the PhD journey.

At some point in all of this, I also realized I was not capable of communicating in a manner which would assist him to deal with the baggage if his upbringing & marriage. I suggested he see a therapist.......NOPE......instead...walls were built.....verbal tantrums went too far......emotional scars went too deep.... & here we are.

I've been asking him to find a place.....(usually in response to his claims of what a bitch I am & how I'm impossible to live with) for at least 6-8 monthes......yet.....he... is...still...here!?!?!?!? I ask you dear reader,......if its soooo terrible to live here.....why is he still doing it??


I know if my life was unbearable and I was living in someone elses house......who has told me we will never be a couple again.......that I would make the necessary changes to move on.


So........what finally hit home....& it is painful to admit.......is that I have been asking him to recognize triggers, behave like & change into someone he is not capable of. Most importantly?.....I have to accept he does not want to.


Remember the part of the message that told me non-attachment is having a more accurate view of him...which allows me to let go of my unrealistic expectations.


Today I am 'letting go'........not allowing triggers to happen.....not allowing his hurtful words to puncture me anymore....... & realizing that this behavior I do not wish to be a part of....is...just...him. He does not define me....& he is not my responsibility. He will behave as he wishes........just not in this house as of A WEEK FROM TODAY!!!

NAMASTE'