forget regret....or life is yours to miss.......

so....as I sit here on christmas eve......knowing all over the land there are families fullfilling little people's wishes of toys....books.....candy....and other material items
, I am in a HUGE funk....

of course, I have absolutely NO reason to be.....in fact...there are many things I must remind myself to be thankful for:

1. I found out yesterday, the hand doctor I went to see, approved my extension for my comps rewrites. My appeal committee was asking for "a note" to prove I was really in an accident! (I took down the little guy peeing on HER....even tho it felt so good to see when I opened my blog...thanx O for letting him relieve himself over here)........
2. If all goes well, I will not have to apply to another school, do additional work, spend more money, in order to be at the same point I am now in my doctoral program.
3. I am blessed with many loving friends and family who care about me....
4. I have my health....even tho the eye doctor today gasped in horror as I told her my day job consisted of sitting front of a computer and then write all nite doing research for my PhD.
5. I have 4 little cuddlebugs full of unconditional love, who greet me each time I arrive home as if I have been away forever!!!
6. I own my own home, car with no payments, and have no out of the ordinary livings costs.
7. I live in Sunny Arizona...(it sure is alot easier to shovel sunshine than snow from what I can recall of my days in wisconsin!)
8. If I wish, I can play biker bitch dress in my leathers, hop on my motorcycle and end up with a tangled mess of hair feel the wind in my hair
9. I have attended the teachings of HHDL on two seperate occassions. As I reflect on my life, each of these opportunities presented when I was not aware of how much I needed to BE there.
10. I have Monday off to power SHOP!! ( and yes I know that is in opposition to the anti-retail feeling I express re xmas...but I need new panties, bras, winter sweaters and jeans:)

so why am I feeling this way??

Am I chasing after childhood memories, smells, activities & experiences? Am I burnt out from the negative people I have dealt with during my errand running this time of year?? Is it just part of getting older? or do I just need a good licking ....and yes I mean THAT kind?!?! I think I just need an all day cuddle partner.....someone who would be willing to share my kingsize fourposter high bed with its pillowtop mattress, feather beds, 1200 count sheets, 8 kingsize pillows, and of course Pebs, Bella, Kory, and the Zoester!

Any volunteers?? (this is where I find out who reads all the way to the end of my postings!! LOL)

Last week, I went to RENT and cried like a baby. They did the broadway production justice ....and more. Beside....Jesse L Martin?? grrrrrrrrrrr! But I digress....

If you think its a movie that you may not enjoy because its a "musical"......give it a chance......the story is a life lesson in LIVING for TODAY. Incidently?....the writer died before he saw his creation on broadway. so sad.

I end this post with the words from : Finale B.

I tear up everytime I hear this.......and if I didnt know any better I would be inclined to believe the creator found Buddhism.

there is no future
there is no past
thank god this moment’s not the last
there’s only us
there’s only this
forget regret
or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day like today

I can't control
my destiny
I trust my soul
my only goal
is just to be
there's only now
there's only here
give in to love
or live in fear
no other path
no other way
no day but today...

I can’t control
my destiny
I trust my soul
my only goal
is just to be

This will be on my "todo" list going forward........... :)
Blessed be my Blogpeeps......

....................I'm Out.....M

Winter Solstice '05 Dec - 21 @ 12:35PM (MST)

Boring Science Part:

The Earth is nearer to the sun in January than it is in June (3 million miles nearer).

What causes the seasons?

The Earth leans slightly on its axis like a spinning top frozen in one off-kilter position. This angle as stated by astronomers is precisely 23 degrees and 27 minutes off the perpendicular to the plane of orbit. Its facinating to me that all of our seasonal beauty (and destruction ) is because of the variances in the hours and minutes each hemisphere receives precious sunlight.

What does the world Solstice mean?

It means standing still sun. SOooo..... The winter solstice occurs when your (dont think winter ='s cold and snowy...its still the winter solstice in other hemispheres) leaning farthest from the sun, thus causing the shortest daylight...and the sun will be at its lowest arc in the sky.

Cultures all over the world celebrate the winter solstice.....with dance, and cermeonies. It started in ancient times due to fear that the sun wouldnt return to the sky unless there was a party.

Some ancient cultures built - tombs, temples, cairns and sacred observatories -- to align with the solstices and equinoxes. Stonehenge (Scotland), NewGrange(Ireland). Stonehenge is a perfect marker of both winter and summer solstices.

Newgrange, is a huge circular stone structure is estimated to be 5,000 years old, older by centuries than Stonehenge, older than the Egyptian pyramids! It was built to receive a shaft of sunlight deep into its central chamber at dawn on winter solstice.

Maeshowe, North of Scotland, on the Orkney Islands admits the winter solstice setting sun. Historians have documented it as "one of the greatest architectural achievements of the prehistoric peoples of Scotland."

and the list goes on..............but now the fun stuff:

The rebirth of the Sun.....the birth of the SON....mmm??? interesting coincidink?? I think NOT!! Christmas was established some 1600 yrs ago. Perhaps somewhere during our 1600 yr journey.......the deep connection of our celebrations to a fundamental seasonal, hemispheric event has been lost and replaced by retail!!! UGH!

Activities for the Winter Solstice:

Four days out of the year that mark the turning of the seasons are especially magical times-- so dvination of the events of the coming year is a prominent feature of Winter Solstice. Tarot, Rune or I Ching readings can be especially significant at this time as can dreams or visions seen in meditation. Winter Solstice is also an excellent time for banishing rituals to eliminate disease, bad habits & addictions.

Winter Solstice is a time of new beginnings. Rebirth from death, light from darkness! Spells and rituals dedicated to the blessing of a new endeavor or the growth of personal skills, loving relationships, business ventures, etc. are especially powerful at this time. Spend some time cleaning and clearing out the old to make room for the new ideas, plans, relationships and good fortune you hope to draw to you in the coming year.

Burn a pair of bayberry candles on Yule as a charm to insure growth and prosperity for the new year.

Blessed BE ...peace out my peeps......oh...I forgot the best part......clothing is always optional at these celebrations........skyclad! whoo--hoo!!

Cruel...but a great way to pass some time!

I got this from Leesa ........my high score is 333.5 :)

Is it True??..My Dogs are Tattoo-ing each other???

Okay...so recently, a new dog-gate was installed in the house to keep the little monsters cuddle-bugs contained to a smaller area of destruction the house.

I got home the other nite and was pleasantly allowed to get in the house without being bum-rushed lovingly greeted by all 4 little ones.....and thought......"ok, I think Im going to like this doggy gate thingy!!

That is until I saw Kory's (all white body, newest edition to the pack) new little arm-band tattoo!!!

Seems the Zoe-ster one of the other pups somehow got a pen off the table and chewed tiil the ink came out enough to rub against Kory's beautiful white fur and it resembles a little arm-band.

My question to them all (as they sat and stared at me like deer in headlights) revolved around the coincidence of the new prison-gate puppy gate .....and the prison-style tat ink splot on Kory.

***Any insight?? as to removal of black ink from her pretty little arm??***

CHUNKS OF GREY MATTER !! RULES....

I received my first xmas present in the mail yesterday !!! It was a great rock and roll CD from THIS GUY.

Here’s a listing of the music included:

1 Billy Squier - "Christmas Is The Time To Say I Love You"

2 Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band - "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town"

3 Bryan Adams - "Raggae Christmas"

4 Hall and Oates - "Jingle Bell Rock"

5 Chuck Berry - "Run, Run Rudolph"

6 Brian Setzer - "Jingle Bells"

7 Dean Martin - "Baby It's Cold Outside"

8 Harry Connick Jr. - "Let It Snow"

9 Everclear - "Santa Baby"

10 The Eagles - "Please Come Home For Christmas"

11 Merle Haggard - "If We Make It Through December"

12 Tom Petty - "Christmas All Over Again"

13 Aaron Neville - "Louisiana Christmas Day"

14 Elvis Presley - "Santa Claus Is Back In Town"

15 The Ramones - "Merry Christmas"

16 Blink 182 - "I Won't Be Home For Christmas"

17 John Mellencamp - "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

18 El Vez - "Feliz Navidad"

19 U2 - "Baby Please Come Home"

20 John Lennon - "So This Is Christmas"

Now….I could take or leave the attitude and behaviors of most people during this time of the year. You know, all those rushed, crabby, greedy shoppers who are on a mission to find that gift which shows just how much they value the person they are gifting to. Me personally? A gift of ones time to visit, road trip, hike, watch a movie, drink some wine and laugh is more appreciated than any material item someone gives me.

Anywho…I digress…..THANX to CoGM! He’s the MAN!!!

Lost another friend..............

Received an email from a friend tonite about someone we both used to work with. She told me Denise passed the previous Friday ( 2nd of December). Denise was that crazy co-worker who would wake us (the nite-shift), at 7am, just by walking into the area. I'm sure going to miss her crazy-zanyiness.....


Denise NEVER failed to bring a smile to the group. She had a way of calling innapropriate behavior out....dealt with rumors head-on and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. I respected this quality in her the most. Many people said the reason she felt so free to comment on things others wanted to but were afraid to, was because of her "connections" within the organization. I dis-agree. If anything, her connections made her a target for co-workers and management who didn't appreciate her no-bullshit, balls to the wall ways.

Tuesday morning, I will see previous co-workers I have missed, but have not seen since leaving the group in the Spring of 2003. We worked together for about 6 years, 12.5 hour shifts, 4 days on, 3 days off, and then 3 days on 4 days off. Someone in the group figured it out once. We actually spent more time with our co-workers than we did sleeping or with family.

I am looking forward to seeing my previous co-workers. And I know some of us will be saying "I've missed you...good to see you again....sorry to not have kept in touch.....and I'm sorry it is under these circumstances that has brought us together again. I must work on slowing down my crazy life....and appreciate those who come and go.

D. Denise Loyd, 37, of Glendale, Arizona passed away on December 2, 2005. Denise was born July 23, 1968 in Irving, Texas to Roy Lee and Linda Faye (Goodner) Chapman. She moved to AZ 18 years ago from Texas. She was an operating engineer with American Express. She is survived by her husband Robert G. Loyd; son Cory R. Loyd, Phoenix; her parents, Roy and Linda Chapman; brothers Brent (Evelyn) Chapman of Memphis, TN and Ricky (April) Chapman of Phoenix; brother in law Jack Perkins; grandparents, Josh & Lena Chapman and Lonnie Goodner; 3 nieces, Christina, Hannah & Rilee; nephew Jeremiah; she was preceded in death by her nephew Tanner. A memorial service will be held at 10 am on Tuesday, December 6, 2005 at the Calvary Community Chapel, 12612 N. Black Canyon Highway. Arrangements by Hansen Arrowhead Funeral Center.
Published in The Arizona Republic on 12/4/2005.
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Where were the signs?

Have U ever called a friend to see how their Thanksgiving was? ...and their girlfriend answers his cell ......and tells you "Matt is no longer with us"...."He hung himself"...... I still can not digest it.

Matthew Richard Moraine, 27, of Phoenix, AZ passed away on November 27, 2005. He was born January 22, 1978. He is survived by his loving family and friends; his parents, Bonnie Moraine and Richard Moraine; brother Joshua Moraine; grandparents Shirley and Jack Moraine. We miss him, his smile and loving heart. Service will be held at 1:00 pm on Thursday, December 1st at the Cathedral Christian Center, 16635 North 51st Ave., Phoenix, AZ. Arrangements by Hansen Mortuary.
Published in The Arizona Republic on 12/1/2005.
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Where there any signs? Did we (his friends) just not listen to him when he shared what was going on in his life? Why didn't he feel comfortable reaching out? What happened that day that he felt hanging himself was THE answer? Would he have taken his life if it wasn't the "holiday season"? What were his last thoughts? How long was he mulling over the method of his demise? Was he sad?, angry?, scared?, past emotions?

His Obit said "We miss him, his smile & loving heart"...did he know that? and if so, why didn't he believe it?

I'm going to call my family and friends this week. I want them to know I love them. Nothing is so important in my life which excuses me from staying in touch. I don't want to have this feeling again....ever....I now wish I would've made a call last Sunday.
Bye Matt