~~~The Wisdom of Fear~~~

My Daily OM managed to deliver another punch to the gut today. Today, of all days, the message talked about Honoring Life Changes. Coincidently, today was also the day he finished packing, hugged each of the pups, whispered how much he loved them, wiped the tears, put his keys on the counter, told me he would call when he was able to talk without crying, took his dog & left.

My daily OM message pointed out that anything worth doing will always have some fear attached to it. Major changes in our lives have a way of bringing up deep fears. Supposedly, this type of fear is good. It is our way of questioning whether we really want the new life these changes will bring. It is also a potent reminder that releasing and grieving the past is a necessary part of moving into the new.

Well, this “good” fear has thrown me off balance, made me feel uncertain and insecure. How is this good?......I know these feelings are telling me I am at the edge of my comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one.

Im doing my best to face this fear….head-mother-fuckin- on….but yesterday (regardless of how many things I saw wrong) is taunting me for some more of that dysfunctional drug. Perhaps, if the house wasn’t so quiet, I wouldn’t be able to hear it so well. I think I scrubbed, vacuumed & dusted too efficiently.…..those fuckin fears are very happy to sit in all the corners, waiting to whisper, as I wander from room to room.

I think I am going to have to have a long talk with these fears……sit them down in front of Buddha…..ask them why they decided to visit? Remind them this is what I have wanted…..that this is what is best …….for all concerned.

And, they better say all they are going to say, get it all out during our talk……. I need my sleep tonite…..the last thing I want to hear is all their questions, doubts, & irrational quick fixes.